Part 1

Ukiah After Dark

by Pete Evangelatos

With the annual exodus of university-bound young adults leaving Mendocino County for academic and party citadels across the nation, it would seem that many 20-something residents would be left with diminished recreational options. But when the weekend arrives and the sun sets on the County's Capital the mantra most frequently being recited is: Elbows Up! Welcome to Ukiah After Dark.

Most of the action takes place downtown, with The Pub and Club 7-11 positioned as the northern- and southern-most anchors of the Ukiah party boat.

Those inclined to Hip Hop dancing and scantily dressed females of all ages frequent the Perkins Street Bar and Grill conveniently located adjacent to the Mendocino County Adult Probation Office. Casually referred to as the Perkins or the Club, customers of this establishment will in all likelihood grind their crotches against the voluptuous behinds of well-endowed females on the dance floor with little resistance in a courting ritual apparently popular with young people. If you're lucky, you may even see an African-American patron or two simply attempting to enjoy his or her leisure time harassment-free.

County residents living on the coast who have never been to the Perkins erroneously believe that humpback migration is limited to seasonal patterns. They are of course wrong. The Club has evolved into a habitat for many different species of whales who flop about, many of who seem to be suffering from some sort of intoxication, perhaps the rapid degradation of the ecosystem is to blame. The whales arrive in their greatest numbers between 11pm and 2am on Thursday and Friday nights.

Upon initial investigation, admission to the Club appears to be a modest and affordable $3. Out-of-towners and locals alike repeatedly fall for that trap — including me — when in fact that's only the beginning. Admission, drinks and the DUI that you will invariably get upon your attempt to lawfully drive home under the watchful eye of Deter Foyle is around $3,000 and 48 hours in-custody of the trusty Mendocino County Sheriff's Office. Those figures don't include the driving-while-black expenses that African-American drivers will no doubt incur for emergency room bills and medical treatment after their run in with Ukiah's Finest.

Upon exiting the Club be sure to run a thorough investigation to see if Deter Foyle and company are on the prowl, guns clipped up and batons in hand. The Perkins is the go-to-spot to listen and dance to Hip Hop music and position yourself for a successful late-night harpooning. Equipped with two dance floors, one furnished with a stripper's pole, dim lights, and lots of alcohol, the Perkins is a Gangster's Paradise. The dress code here is thuggishly urban for men and something of the minimalist sort for females. Just leave your Free Jena 6 shirts at home.

But if you feel like letting your massive dredlocks down and just putting one in the air, head to the herb friendly Mendocino Brewing Company located at the corner of Perkins and State. The Brewing Company regularly plays host to local bands, serves fresh beer, and is decorated with beautiful wood countertops no doubt harvested from local forests. On the more lively nights, the place is packed with a fantastic crowd from the more liberal corners of the universe, i.e., Spy Rock. A good indication that it's a happening night is to count the number of out-of-commission spray-painted school buses parked out front. If there's more than three then definitely head in. You can smell the pot and the money, and the pot-money from about a mile or two away. The hops do smell delicious. The Company brews their beer right on location which creates a pleasant aromatic experience. No need to be paranoid or bring eyedrops to have a good time here.

The Forest Club is one of the oldest buildings in Ukiah and is smack in the middle of all the action between the Perkins, The Pub, The Brewing Company, and the Sports Attic. Architecturally the Forest is an absolute gem. The building appears to be as ancient and in equal disrepair as the Acropolis, but the furnishings are quite modern. Flatscreen TVs and new pool tables adorn the walls and make the Forest the most popular bar in Ukiah. It also serves as the reunion bar during the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. The place gets so packed you might just end up chain smoking cigarettes out back on the patio chatting with someone who you haven't seen in years. The Forest is unique in that it enjoys enormous popularity with people from very different walks of life. Well-to-do professionals, students, and local transients mix-in here for a good alcohol-saturated time.

Less than a mile north on State Street is The Pub. This bar is Ukiah's version of Cheer's and is the place for Monday Night Football. Owner and operator Zia Poya officially ascended to a football god in the circles of local sports enthusiasts when he introduced his Monday Night Football theme. Poya puts together an oversized and flavorful chicken dinner at an affordable price every Monday night. Domestic beers are sold at a reduced rate making The Pub a comfortable and affordable place to be for professional football aficionados. Additionally, The Pub offers a completely free taxi service for anyone anywhere who needs to get to The Pub or home safely. If you're at another bar, call the shuttle and they'll pick you right up. Poya's program has saved numerous lives and countless DUIs by offering The Pub Shuttle free of charge. Long live Poya, the football god.

Interested in sports memorabilia? Head to the Sports Attic to see gi-normous posters and framed pictures of UCLA legends John Wooden, Bill Walton and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. If you look hard enough you might even spot some items that belong to an old USC Trojan who has recently resurfaced in the media in his pursuit for stolen sports memorabilia. But there is no need to be alarmed, it's highly unlikely that The Juice himself will stick the place up with a motley crew of men armed with pistols and assault rifles while you're there. The Sports Attic has two bars, a patio, rooftop access, and the most extensive variety of on-tap beer in Ukiah. You don't have to be interested in athletics to amicably pass the time at the Attic, but chances are as your beer consumption increases your interest in sports will too. Those of you who chronically smoke will find that the rooftop can be discreetly put to good use.

If you have some irresistible desire to smoke cigarettes till your face looks and feels like a worn-out catcher's glove, foot it on down to Club 7-11, where some of the best pool players in town call corner and side pockets with a cigarette dangling from their lips. If you're lucky you'll end up in the Dog House, a comfortable seating arrangement outfitted with curtains that close for both of your privacy needs. The curtains are operational and ready for use. Wink Wink.

But if you're looking for a place to drown your sorrows away with the absolutely cheapest whiskey available in town, then swing down to the Water Trough and drink yourself into oblivion. The depressed and lonely atmosphere is perfect for suicidal self-indulgence. You'll have no problem finding someone to listen to all your problems and buy you a glass of Evan Williams when you're teetering on the point of self-destruction. Good times. Water Trough regulars frown on newcomers who arrive at the establishment with an ounce of optimism, so be sure to have your game face on and get your story straight before entering. If you're not interested in fistfights and destructive drinking I would avoid the Trough.

Quite often people will hop back and forth from most of these locations on foot and walk home at 2am. Not a bad idea. Everything is located within a few blocks of one another, even the Pub isn't too far. Call the shuttle or simply walk off some of those calories! Either way, welcome to Ukiah. I'll see you at Schatt's or The Coffee Critic in the mid-afternoon and the Alcohol Anonymous meeting later in the evening.

~ end of Part 1 ~

Part 2

Ukiah The Next Day

by Pete Evangelatos

We've travelled through "Ukiah After Dark," setting sail on the inland party boat. But now it's time to deal with the unhappy consequences of a night on the town as experienced by many young people in Ukiah.

I regret to inform the more successful late-night navigators that they now may be one of the millions of Californians living with a sexually transmitted infection(s), especially if you are between the at-risk ages of 15-24. Most likely your recent acquisition(s) was (were) a result of reckless and excessive drinking which renders your brain's frontal lobe into an mush of sexual desire and bad judgment. Your ability to say, "I'm not interested in you," or even perhaps "I don't like you," tends to vanish as Eros replaces rationality. Normal cognitive processes fly out the window.

Even your uncanny ability to pass fake phone numbers to would-be Romeos and Juliets is neutralized by the cunning and baffling power of alcohol. As your decision-making skills become impaired, your consumption of alcohol increases. Your body's usually reliable natural resistances to having unprotected sex with what under sober circumstances would be an undesirable partner, in your impaired mind becomes the most desireable person ever concocted.

Now let's look at what you most likely contracted in your alcohol-fueled stupor and see what that means fiscally for the state of California.

According to a recent study by the Public Health Institute, the eight most common types of infections are chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, genital herpes, HPV, hepatitis B, trichomoniasis, and HIV.

Next, let's explore some popular bacteria and viruses, how you get them, the symptoms, and the treatment options.

Chlamydia is a bacteria that infects the penis, vagina, eye, urethra, or anus of three million Americans, 75% of whom are under the age of 25. Chlamydia can be particularly sneaky because it largely goes undetected, and the longer it does the more at risk the health of its carriers becomes. 75% of women and 50% of men who contract chlamydia don't have any symptoms but are still carriers; which is especially dangerous for women. Vaginal irritation, abnormal discharge, irregular bleeding, and pain during intercourse are indications for a woman that she has contracted the bug, but because many women don't experience any symptoms, chlamydia is rapidly spread. If left untreated for too long the bacteria may infect the cervix, the uterus and eventually lead to the inflammation of the pelvis (PID), as well as create vaginal scarring and even infertility.

Without proper medical attention health complications increase, making it important to get regular check-ups even if you consider yourself a sexually responsible person. Once detected, chlamydia is treated with antibiotics that eventually purge the bacteria from your body. A medical practitioner will give you a prescription at a local pharmacy and advise you not to have sex until you have taken the full schedule of antibiotics and that medical practitioner concludes that you are 100% chlamydia-free. Preventive measures during penile-vaginal intercourse are straightforward: make sure the male person involved wears a condom.

The Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) is actually more than a hundred related viruses that may cause extremely sensitive warts on the genitals of both men and women. Other strains create unhealthy cell changes that may lead to cancer in the cervix. Considering the severity of this condition, it's unfortunate that it's the most common. 20 million Americans carry some form of this virus, and every year five a half million more are infected. The incredibly contagious HPV is transmitted through touch; it's that easy. Sexual intercourse doesn't have to take place, so ordinary protective measures won't protect you against this disease. HPV is not always visible either so most carriers are unaware that they are in fact hosting the virus. Affected areas that are visible are usually red or pink and create an incessant itching sensation. The level of discomfort of course varies depending on the location of the virus. Other strains create raised bumps that may resemble a cauliflower.

Treating HPV is altogether different than the treatment options available for carriers of chlamydia. Bacterias go away with proper care, viruses don't. Fortunately, there is an HPV vaccine that suppresses the virus called Gardasil. Unfortunately, HPV may seemingly be gone forever only to reappear when your immune system is suppressed. Laser surgery, acid treatments, and cryotherapy are some possibilities to control more serious outbreaks of the virus. Creams and other applications are available for smaller irritations. Once contracted, the best preventive measure is practicing better health. Recreational drinking and smoking are highly discouraged as they weaken the immune system and allow the virus to resurface. Healthful eating, plenty of sleep, and regular exercise discourage outbreaks.

The fiscal effects are just as ugly. In 2000 the economic impact of the 9.1 million cases of those infected was $6.5 billion in California alone, not including indirect costs such as loss of work productivity. That's an alarming number considering an enormous number of cases go undetected and therefore remain undocumented. Dr. Petra Jerman, author of the Institute's recent study, believes that unreported cases are of greatest concern. "The estimated number of new cases and their associated costs illustrate that the STD [or STI] epidemic among California's youth remains largely hidden." In other words, STI's are spreading so rapidly without detection that people in the health and medical field are unable to fully calculate the epidemic's economic impact.

But who really cares about the state's economy when your crotch is itching? The problem is complex, but the solution is simple: get a means of protection to the at-risk group, i.e., bars need to provide free condoms in their bathrooms.

Last week when I wrote about the Ukiah party boat and its port locations I failed to report the seriousness of the STI epidemic. Next time you walk into a bar keep in mind that the majority of people there have some from of STI. Young people between the ages of 15-24 are having unprotected sex and transmitting infections to lots of other young people. Knocking the un off of unprotected sex is most realistically accomplished through condom accessibility at the right times and health education all the time. Discreetly putting condoms in the hands of party-goers (for starters) greatly increases the chances that the young lust bunnies will use them. Often people just forget to use them because they're drunk.

Let's face it, encouraging safe sex and moderate and responsible drinking doesn't work when the target audience is already drunk at 1:30 in the morning just before the bars close. But providing condoms would have an enormous impact on decreasing the spread of STI's.

Protected and safe sex isn't always practiced because condoms aren't accessible at the right times in the right places. I challenge every bar in the County to give away free condoms. It's important for individuals to be mindful of the dangers of unprotected sex, but proprietors of bars and clubs have an additional responsibility to promote safe sex by providing a means for their customers to exercise informed decisions. They're profiting nicely from the behavior their businesses facilitate. Providing condoms in a dispensary located in the bathrooms of both genders would positively effect the STI epidemic, and maybe offer a reminder of what tends to happen to their drunk patrons. I'm sure they would go fast at places like the Forest and Perkins Street clubs when most of the patrons are thoroughly drunk and aren't looking to wrap-up the evening at the stroke of 2am.

Alcohol and Other Drug prevention programs and sex education schemes may work in theory, but not after six drinks and two hours at a bar or club, and the beast on the bar stool next to yours is looking more and more like Eros incarnate. Refraining from sex may be easy in a mountain crevasse in northeastern Afghanistan where the inhabitants are devout Muslims and any kind of sex except one man on top of one woman will get you killed, but Ukiah at 2am is not a mosque. I also doubt that most readers of the AVA are strict adherents of Islam.

Be mindful of who you are with, what they're wearing and what their bodies may be invisibly carrying. Otherwise, you're likely to wake up with more than just a hangover.