Greetings one and all - if you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin... And let’s get straight into this week’s Public Service Announcements.
#42. An early heads-up for a special event to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in a couple of weeks time – it’s a Dinner and Dance to benefit the Senior Center with Dean Titus and the Coyote Cowboys! This will be the biggest event of the spring and it takes place on Saturday, March 12th at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. Tickets are on sale in Boonville at Laughing Dog Books, All that Good Stuff, and The Fairgrounds, and at Lemons’ Market in Philo. More details to follow but you can be sure the corned beef will be delicious and the music as good as it gets, so I humbly suggest you add it to your calendar ASAP. #43. Is it that time again already? Yes it is: The Annual Variety Show is just around the corner and it’s the 20th such occasion! The fun and entertainment takes place on Friday and Saturday, March 4th and 5th at 7pm each evening and even if you’re not in an act, or even like such events as a rule, come along anyway because there is an exciting rumor that Captain Rainbow has bought a new tuxedo. Yes, folks, after 19 years of being soaked in blood, sweat, and tears, he has apparently retired ‘Old Faithful’ and bought a new one! #44. Oops, forgot again – tonight, Wednesday 23rd, is the monthly gathering of the Independent Career Women (ICW) but if you haven’t sent in your RSVP by now I imagine it’s way too late. Remember, it’s always the last Wednesday of the month — check in with Sandra at 895-3069 for further information.
Now a few reminders that I haven’t mentioned in quite a while. #45. Every Tuesday and Saturday, The AV Lending Library run by The Unity Club is open at The Fairgrounds in Boonville during the following hours: Tues 1:30-4:30pm; Saturday 2-4pm. #46. Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, The AV Museum in the Little Red Schoolhouse next to the Elementary School is open from 1-4pm. As I’ve pointed out many times, this is surely the ‘Best Little Museum in the West.’ #47. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday, the County Dump, a couple of miles west of Boonville up Mountain View Road, is open from 9am-4pm. Remember, no dead animals. Please leave that to me and my brethren.
Topics under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.
…There was a very irritated customer at the Three-Dot a couple of days ago. Apparently he had almost been run over near the Boonville Post Office by an odd-looking yellow golf cart/ice-cream mini-truck. “It was being badly driven by a guy in an ill-fitting hat, mumbling to himself. He seemed very odd and drives like a maniac. Besides, is that thing even legally allowed on the road?” complained the angry customer. He went on, “Those people complaining of anti-social behavior outside the Boonville Saloon of late should perhaps also mention this jerk — a ‘cult of public nuisances’ all on his own, I'd say.”
…Once again, everyone in the Three-Dot wholeheartedly agreed this week that when the AV High School beats Mendocino High in any school sport it provides us all with a most satisfying feeling. The aloof/superior airs shown by some of the Cardinals’ fans, coupled with the taunting I have witnessed in recent years by some of their players, makes this year’s convincing victories by the AV girls volleyball and the boys’ soccer and basketball teams all the more gratifying. Go Panthers — eat a Cardinal for breakfast — and lunch, dinner and supper!
…During another school-related discussion, some regulars were wondering about a couple of things and I did not know the answers to either of their questions: Is Spanish offered at the Junior High School? Is Geography taught at either the Junior High or High School?
…More school ‘stuff.’ Rumors have it that as many as three, four, or perhaps even all five seats on the School Board may be up for election this year. I cannot confirm this, and some of the numbers certainly sound a little far-fetched. But it’s what I’ve heard from a couple of sources so I guess we’ll see. No, no, no — thanks for your support, but I couldn’t possibly run for such a position. Although if I did and won, you can be sure I’d push for such things as: far fewer lights on when nobody is there — what a waste of money that is; more homework — two hours a night never harmed me in my junior and senior years at Bird of Prey Academy; stricter codes of dress (for the students at least) and firm enforcement of those codes; more chickens laying delicious eggs in the Ag Department; and squished-squirrel pie on the lunch menu. And that would all be for discussion at just the first School Board meeting.
Enough about the youth of today and their world. Time to take my leave and retreat into my own world of wine-sipping and carrion crunching. Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; and may your god go with you. A final request: “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or by e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org