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The White House

See George Will’s satirical video on “progressives” in America seeking changes in names of people and places because of the (newly-found) assault on their feelings, the offensiveness of so many words we “traditional” Americans have taken for granted, and of their, these progressive’s as Will labels them, unhappiness with America and he suggests, with themselves.

I have one more very objectionable name that must be changed, one Mr. Will somehow overlooked. If I were an African American, Hispanic, or Asian with skin not white enough I’d be leading the charge for immediate change. Many of white color would (and will?) happily join them. 

It’s the name of a building. A house actually. With a bombshell of a name in these days of Will’s progressives, these days when those claiming to know a more perfect union are just getting started to remake America word-by word and name-by name, the easy stuff first. It’s…

The White House: This name is totally wrong, offensive, a daily reminder of white, Caucasian, supremacy in our great land. The term has nothing to do with the color of the paint on the house where our presidents live. Not in the progressives mind. It means skin color, like in white supremacists. After all we’ve had 45 presidents and though only one has been non-Caucasian the name offends those caring, sensitive white progressives—and all those of a different skin color. No empathy. No caring about their feelings, self-ascribed victims in this white nation.

The name must be changed.

I tried to come up with a more fair and balanced word. Taking the white out of the house. But most come out “fake,” just not finding the right word. Perhaps you can help make a better name. If you and we don’t someone else soon will.

Here’s what I came up with. Began with color. Gray, The Gray House didn’t do it—that would mean old which would upset the progressives and those with black, brown, yellow, and red skins. Rust? The Rust House is a no-starter. Sounds corrosive, like ruin happening—white progressives would kill it. “Beaver” shown in online site as an illustration of mixed colors: shades of black and brown and a tint of yellow but The Beaver House might suggest other thoughts that women of all colors might feel very offended by. So many to find so much to be offended by. Maybe Chestnut. The Chestnut House. But chestnuts are small and presidents are large and anyway chestnuts have their cultural niche in being roasted at Christmas time—oops sorry to use the word Christmas—separation of state and religion—and our presidents are roasted enough by the media. Maybe Tan, The Tan House, works best but somehow it suggests a passive, unimaginative color, lacks the giddy-up our presidents’ residence needs.

How about a word combining color and metal, lustrous metal indeed. I’m thinking The Gold House or The Silver House, both representing value, strength, and attraction. Yep, but exploitation comes to mind, and even the hurt to nature by mining these beautiful materials. Won’t do. 

So I think I’ve exhausted the colors that might substitute for White in The White House. But maybe people’s names could be the answer. Could do King for MLK. The King House. No way, we killed the monarchical system, yes? And the red states would go wild. Which includes, or precludes The Queen House. Just kidding, of course. 

Mr. Will suggested San Francisco be changed to Nancy Pelosi City because religious names of saints go against the First Amendment which relates to the separation of church and state. There are dozens of such cities and towns with the name of a Catholic saint and all must be changed. I see a new career opening up, a sort of ad agency enterprise that will create new jobs for those college grads who majored in Liberal Arts. And a number of new words will have to be created to satisfy progressives’ demands for a truly fair United States of America. 

Bring it on.

Yet I’m not through yet. Maybe The America House, though the word “America” was derived from the name of Spanish explorer and map maker, Americus Vespucci, who was a citizen of the nation that raped and plundered South America. Afraid that’ll never do. Which by the way means Columbus, the Ohio city, and Columbus Square and Avenue in NYC must have name changes. Christoper was a colonizer for his employer nation, Spain again. Maybe Franklin. The Franklin House. But he was too white and his very name calls to our mind his affiliation and affection for Paris and all things French. I’d be a progressive and work to veto this recommendation. The Great Alexander, Hamilton of course. The Hamilton House. But the play and now streaming soon to you carries too much baggage. Is it pro black? Is it too black? Seems so. Finally since the world sport is now soccer— where have you gone Joe DiMaggio? Maybe The Soccer House. No, I give up. Too frivolous.

My limited creative wordsmanship is exhausted. Did I say words-man-ship. Forgive me, women. Wordpersonship, and don’t forget it. My bad.

One Comment

  1. izzy October 1, 2020

    Maybe the Big House?
    It’s been occupied by criminals of one stripe or another for some time.

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