DEPARTMENT of everything-that-isn’t-nailed-down. The Fort Bragg Police Department warns that FB has suffered a rash of catalytic converter thefts. “Between the dates of November 17, 2020 and November 23, 2020, the Department has taken and currently investigating three incidents involving theft of catalytic converters within the city limits. In each of the thefts, the vehicle targeted was a Toyota Prius and believed to have occurred sometime during the evening hours.”
MENDOCINO'S MacCallum House bills itself as “cannabis friendly,” and long-time Mendo hotelier Noah Sheppard is too. Sheppard apparently wasn't able to charm Fish and Wildlife out of busting him for 300 pounds of the love drug at an Albion gro site, a site Sheppard has placed in the licensing process, it should be said. But given that Mendo's licensing program is complicated and time consuming beyond all reason, and with applicants also suffering inspections from difficult-to-impossible state agencies, Sheppard, not in any way an outlaw, would seem to have a ready-made defense. But given that covid has just about wrecked the County's inn and hotel businesses, and given that 300 pounds at, say, $800 a pound…
OL' HOPE AND CHANGE is off to his predicted start. Biden's first appointments to his national security team include former secretary of state John Kerry as climate czar and Alejandro Mayorkas as Homeland Security chief. The former secretary of state and former presidential nominee helped negotiate the Iran nuclear deal and Paris climate pact, and served with Biden in the Senate. Alejandro Mayorkas will take over an agency reeling after child separation scandals at the border. Biden will nominate Linda Thomas-Greenfield to be ambassador to the United Nations.
TOO CRAZY even for these people? Rudy Giuliani announced Sunday that Sidney Powell “is practicing law on her own. She is not a member of the Trump Legal Team. She is also not a lawyer for the President in his personal capacity.” Ms. Powell had recently appeared with Giuliani for a bizarre press conference at the Republican National Committee headquarters in Washington, during which she said the Chinese and other communists, including internal ones, had funded Biden's rigging of the election. She also said Hugo Chavez, widely presumed dead for nearly a decade, was in on the commie election fix. (There hasn’t been an organized communist presence in the U.S. since the late 1960s, and it was powerless then.)
COLONEL VON UMLAUT, an Elk writer of unreadable books, once wrote a ham-handed satire called “Crazies Dress Normal” for Beth Bosk's New Settler Interview. The stories didn't live up to their promising title, but I was reminded of the title when I saw the photo of Ms. Powell, a crazy dressing normally. She looks like an old fashioned librarian, not the clinical quality Q-anon nut that she is.
FORT BRAGG city councilman Bernie Norvell writes early last week: “Last week, there were only 7 active cases in the 95437 (Fort Bragg area) zip code and 92 Countywide. As of today, we have 17 in the 95437 zip code and 169 active cases in the County. In addition to the active cases, there are 299 people in quarantine because of close contact with someone with the virus or with symptoms. 30 of those are in the 95437 zip code.
SUPERVISOR JOHN McCOWEN appeared a week ago Wednesday morning on KZYX’s “TKO” KZYX talk show hosted by Karen “KO” Ottoboni, a windmill puncher who often as not knocks herself out. The lightweight audio bout didn’t offer much that AVA readers don’t already know. McCowen talked about the problems with the pot permit program — many of which he created; the public input limitations during covid; the possible uses of the $22.6 million PG&E settlement money; and whatever other issues popped into the hostesses' tumultuous head.
OF NOTE was McCowen’s complaint that Board Chair/Supervisor John Haschak had “assumed authority he does not have” to delay the development of a pot use permit, or “discretionary” pot permit program. Haschak, of course, is convinced that he and Supervisor Ted Williams can somehow convince the state that whatever Mendo is now doing to process the current 1100-plus applications will satisfy state Environmental Review requirements, and therefore, according to Haschak, there’s no need to rush into development of a new system to replace the failed, unworkable system that McCowen himself devised long before Haschak came onto the Board.
SUPERVISOR TED WILLIAMS later commented: “Rephrased to be uncompromisingly forthright, ‘…somehow convince the state to issue state licenses in violation of the California Environmental Quality Act’.”
McCOWEN also pointed out an additional complication that in some significant number of cases the current applicants — if they are still growing marijuana — have changed their operations since their applications were submitted up to three years ago which implies more review and more processing if those applications are still active.
IF HASCHAK IS WRONG, as he likely is — the state’s probably not going to carve out a special exception to accommodate Mendo’s uniquely complicated process — not only would the current applicants have to essentially start over with a use permit system (using a bits and pieces from the old process), but the time it takes to put the new process in place and get an applicant through it will jeopardize existing applicants’ ability to meet state deadlines and their own cultivation schedules.
OR, OF COURSE, they can do what most growers are doing now: ignore the County altogether and continue in the unregulated, unbureaucratic and more lucrative black market.
BUT McCOWEN'S the only Supervisor who is willing to push the point that Haschak is obstructing the use-permit program development (which has its own problems, not least of which are substantial and additional permit fees and preparation costs). Also McCowen will be gone in January when two new Supervisors — neither of whom have experience with the pot permit program — will join Haschak, Williams and ‘Silent Dan’ Gjerde in the pot permit swamp, none of whom (Williams excepted) are likely to push the point. (Mark Scaramella)
A TOUCH of panic buying? At Ukiah CostCo last week a sign said the mammoth wholesaler was out of pinto beans and paper towels. Inside, tp was going fast. At Safeway, paper products generally seemed to be depleted, but pinto beans in small quantities, plentiful.
DRINKSGIVING? A talking tv head said he hoped frustrated Thanksgiving diners didn't dive into the bottle as a substitute for this year's canceled festivities.
THE UNDOING. (Netflix) A friend said, “Everyone's watching it. You'll really like it.” In the time of the plague, most of us are logging an awful lot of screen time. At my house, the trick is to find something the little woman will also enjoy because I'm pretty much a documentary guy, and the only documentary style shows that hold her interest are Forensic Files and Joe Kenda, Homicide Detective. So, along with the rapt millions, we're watching ‘The Undoing.’ I dislike the characters so much — all of them — that I don't care who did it. (Negative film comment I keep to myself at home.) And the script is off, with too many f-bombs that don't fit their contexts and some truly cringe-inducing profanity from the heroine’s father. Not to sound too much like the wheeze I am, and I know we're all so cool these days that we can curse in any old context, but the writer of this thing, or the committee of writers who wrote it, has a tin ear.
ANYWAY, two improbably handsome people — she's a therapist we see at work with a pair of gay marrieds and an oft-married, single whiner, and her hubby is a pediatric cancer doctor. (PC politics does the casting.)Her patients are supposed to be both funny and a signal that the therapist is one savvy babe who sees her patients as they are. Doctor Cancer is presented as a really, really, really great guy, and of course they have a mop-topped kid who's wise beyond his years. Of course they all live in a rich neighborhood in New York in an apartment bigger than most houses. And they have a maid who, so far in this repellent human milieu, is kept fuzzy so her ethnicity is vague — Hollywood wouldn’t dare insert a black maid unless she were a primary character — but this maid, while vaguely ethnic — is not a tall beautiful blonde like all the women these people associate with. I'm waiting for the maid to barrel on screen any time now to lob a few f-bombs of her own. Donald Sutherland is pretty good as the therapist' rich guy father who lives in such opulent circumstances I kept thinking of Sutherland in that Getty film where he played the first Getty.
THE NEW YORKER magazine, natch, loves The Undoing, describing the therapist as having “the kind of life most New Yorkers only dream about.” (Uh, we'll need a show of hands on that one.) “A successful therapist, she lives on Manhattan’s Upper East Side with her husband Jonathan (Hugh Grant), who’s a beloved pediatric oncologist, and enjoys all the privileges and glamour of society life. (Defined by ordinary Americans as shallow, empty and, these days, murderously provocative.) But when Jonathan is shockingly accused of adultery and murder, Grace is forced to interrogate the good life she’s taken for granted, and examine the painful secrets lying just under the surface. What follows is a powerful journey as she seeks to uncover not just the truth about her husband, but herself.”
THE UNDOING is pretty dreadful, but a timely antidote is a Masterpiece Theatre four-parter starring the great Hugh Laurie called Roadkill. Terrific acting, great writing — the full dramatic monte with not a false note in four hours. And very cynical and very funny. The BBC denies it's based on the laughing hyena, the present prime minister Boris Johnson, but the political cynicism depicted sure as hell fits him and his destructive
THERE’S SCRUPULOUSNESS and then there’s ultra-scrupulousness from Katrina and Skylar of Mendo’s election office, who got off the following presser last week: “We had one signature cure right after sending this email, at the deadline, so we had to update the report to reflect one additional ballot being cast. Sorry for the inconvenience. The link hasn't changed, but you'll notice the report date reflects 11/25/2020.”
ACCORDING TO A SHORT ITEM in the Fort Bragg Advocate on Wednesday, the Fort Bragg City Council, despite knowing that their Supervisor, Fourth District Supervisor Dan Gjerde’s opinion that sending a letter to the State asking about the rationale behind the fairly indiscriminate Covid Tier system would make Mendo look “silly,” sent a letter to the state questioning the logic of the tier system considering that the severity and number of cases in Fort Bragg are significantly less than the cases in Ukiah. Councilman Bernie Norvell thought Fort Bragg should ask the state to explain the methods behind placing the entire county into the same tier when Fort Bragg’s numbers were so much lower than Ukiah’s. The letter will also be sent to Mendo Health Officer, Dr. Andy Coren, but he’ll probably just repeat what he told the Supes: that the State is doing everything just fine and they have their good reasons and gosh the pandemic is bad. (Mark Scaramella)
FORT BRAGG city councilman Bernie Norvell on management problems at the Hospitality Center: “How hard have they tried? After Anna [Shaw] left it took the board almost a year to come up with a job description of the vacated position before it was posted. Meanwhile the board ran the day to day operations. The more things change the more they stay the same at HC.”
WE ASKED Silent Dan Gjerde, Fort Bragg’s mute supervisor, and FB’s man in Ukiah, if he might deign to weigh in on the ongoing problem with Hospitality House, but true to form, No Reply. Given that almost all HH’s funding is routed through the supervisors, Gjerde might exert some authority with HH’s board of directors, the usual Mendolib collection of wealthy do gooders, most of whom do not live in Fort Bragg and, therefore, do not live with the consequences of a large population of troubled people, most with drug and alcohol dependencies, plunked down in the middle of their town.
ENCOURAGING bit of civic responsibility occurred Thursday when a Fairfax man, Noah Mohan, confronted a young fascist placing Nazi stickers around downtown Fairfax. Mohan's video of the incident has since gone viral.
MOHAN said he was walking his dog Tuesday when he saw a covid-masked man placing the stickers and told him to stop and unmask himself for Mohan's camera.
THE MAN continued to post up Nazi insignia as Mohan followed him and ripped down each sticker. “Not in my city,” Mohan can be heard saying in a nine-minute video of the incident. In the video, the man defends his stickers by saying “They're my ideology” and, when a bystander asks him if he's ever seen the Nazi extermination camp Auschwitz, the man responds, “I don't believe it is real.”
THE POLICE were soon on-scene as a small crowd gathered. Sticker Man was found to be a 19-year-old from Livermore, still not publicly identified. He was cited by the Fairfax Police under his true name. The police said they've forwarded a vandalism complaint to the Marin DA.
WHY Sticker Man had come all the way to Marin to do his sticker duty is not known. “Personally,” Mohan declared, “I will not let that shit slide in my town and I hope you guys feel the same way. Racism is alive and growing in Marin county and we need to call it out and condemn it at all costs if we want this to be a safe and peaceful place for people of all skin color, religion, etc.”
ON THE SUBJECT of fascism, and more evidence that gizmo-ism is outta control, in response to the question, “Do the Elders of Zion control the world?,” Alexa responded, “According to palwatch.org, the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, the swindlers of Zion, have revealed their schemes to subjugate the nations and gain control of the world.” Alexa has since been edited.
FORMER SHERIFF ALLMAN, retired young from his Mendo duties and a guy who seems blessed with a super-abundance of energy, has taken on the big job of policing the Lost Coast — Shelter Cove north and east to the Mattole — four days a week. (Outback criminals will have to guess which four days.) Allman may be ahead of the curve by providing remote communities with experienced law enforcement, and the Northcoast has plenty of remote communities that could use a regular law enforcement presence. Covelo by itself could use a whole platoon of cops.
THE TRUE STATE of our precarious nation is neatly expressed in one paragraph by Mike Davis: “The United States, as pundits hourly remind us, is now cleaved into two almost equal-sized political universes. But power abhors stalemates and clearly in the present world the evolution towards differential experiments in post-fascist oligarchy and pseudo-democracy. A weak and court-enchained Biden-Harris White House, built on the betrayal of progressives and subservient to a donor class of Silicon Valley and Wall Street billionaires, will face a new depression without the wind of popular enthusiasm at its back. Where does this point except to total destruction in the 2022 midterm and the further triumph of the new darkness?”
BIDEN'S CABINET PICKS are a solid indication that the Democrats don't seem to understand how dire it is out there and getting more dire by the day. The Biden Admin either goes Roosevelt-big, which for the reasons Davis lists they're incapable of doing, or a new, improved Trumpism will be right back.
ACCORDING to US Census data, 5.6 million people struggled to put enough food on the table in the past week, while an estimated two million people in New York alone are expected to be “food challenged” through the holiday season.
THE PUBLIC HEALTH cohort says Thanksgiving will kick off a huge covid surge, “the mother of all superspreader events.” Dr. Joseph Varon, chief of staff at Houston’s United Memorial Medical Center, told CNN: “My concerns for the next six to 12 weeks is that if we don't do things right, America is going to see the darkest days in modern American medical history.” Michael Osterholm, the director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, said: “We have to understand we're in a very dangerous place. People have to stop swapping air.”
TRUMP, natch, urged Americans to “get together” and enjoy themselves over the Thanksgiving weekend, and on Friday he said Biden “will have to prove he won the election” before he can move into the White House.
THE TV NIGHTLY NEWS now features segments on the “food insecure” as they wait patiently in shockingly long lines for a week's worth of nourishment. There was an especially affecting seg on an LA guy I pegged to be about fifty who was among the 32,000 people just laid off by Disney. “Yes, I'm grateful for this food,” he said, his desperation audible. “I have nothing to eat at home, nothing.”
THE BASSLER PAPERS. A collection of Aaron Bassler’s writing has been retrieved. Bassler was the young Fort Bragg mountain man who ran off the rails in the summer of 2011 to murder two men then elude a massive police cordon for more than a month. Molly Bee writes: ‘Thank you to everyone who wrote with suggestions. We were contacted by Tom Allman who had a few suggestions too. We chose to follow our instincts and turn the book over to the first person we thought of when we initially found the cache.
We learned family and friends of Aaron knew of the existence of this manuscript, and people had been looking for it for nine years. Today we went back out to the site with a small crew (socially distanced, don't worry) and retrieved the huge heavy thing. The retrieval was filmed and photographed, and footage may be used in the movie about Bassler now due to come out in 2022 (delayed by Covid).
Bassler's family will be able to view the document, and I believe plans are underway to have it digitized. It is currently in treasuring hands, and if it doesn't stay in private collection, Tom Allman suggested donating it to the Mendocino County Museum in Willits. I appreciate the compassion and sensitivity folks in this community have shown regarding Aaron Bassler's situation, the homicides, and the events that lead to his own death. It is still a traumatic subject for many, and mental illness is a heavy topic. Deeper appreciation for the efforts this county has made to provide mental health resources outside of jail. Let it not happen to someone else: Aaron never got the help he needed because he wasn't deemed "bad enough" — until he was…..”
THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT is hustling to change federal death penalty rules to expedite a slew of scheduled executions in the final days of the Trump administration, which includes expanding executionmethods to include electrocution and firing squads. Amending the "Manner of Federal Executions" rule would give federal prosecutors a wider variety of options for execution in order to avoid delays if the state in which the inmate was sentenced doesn't provide them
GOING OUT by firing squad has the most panache, and is certainly preferable to the midnight needle, and doubly preferable to ol' Sparky, but most humane and sensible of all is life sentences with parole a possibility for people who commit heinous crimes when they are very young. Least expensive, too. Unless executions are public events there's no point in doing them other than simple revenge. And if revenge (and deterrent) is the motive, and lots of these death row people definitely have revenge coming, the families of the victims should (1) decide the penalty, (2) carry it out themselves in public with all proceeds from admissions going to them. Executions of strangers by state-funded strangers allegedly representing our terminally violent society makes no sense.
FRIENDS OF PUBLIC LIBRARIES operate used book stores in lots of Bay Area towns and cities. The nearest one to me these days is in San Anselmo. I stopped in Saturday to browse a weekend half-off sale, although the books, all donated, are already marked way, way down. I hadn't been in the store since the plague broke out in March. Earlier in the day, the same woman who has buzzed me three times now, got me again during my morning hike. (I say hike because it's up and down hills.) This San Anselmo Karen buzzes me by running past me as she dramatically masks up and pulls her jacket tight around her lower face, although she's already masked. I'd say she's somewhere around 30, which is kinda young to go Full Karen. But to her it's as if I'm walking kryptonite, and I'm beginning to get the feeling she's stalking me. So, this morning when she startled me just as I rounded a corner to do her ostentatious masking, buzzing past within about a foot, I yelled at her, “Hey! I'm the endangered party here!” Which, at my age, I am. In theory. But what are the chances of catching covid at 6:30 am with only two people, me and Karen, out on the empty streets? Remote to non-existent. She kept on going, probably for fear if she stopped to argue she'd be covided and wake up in ICU on life support. Later in the day, at the entrance to the book store, I dutifully masked up and walked on in, expecting the usual old person or two looking through the shelves with the usual female old persons at the counter cash register. (Books anymore are pretty much an over-60 affair.) But no sooner had I arrived when a very young woman, maybe a high school kid, said, “Sir? The hand sanitizer is behind you.” The what? I stood there looking elderly and confused. “We like everyone to use the hand sanitizer before they enter.” But I washed my hands last week, I said. She stared back. Just funnin' ya, kid. No problemo.
CHRIS CALDER writes: "Here it comes, Emerald Triangle! As soon as you can sell weed across state lines, look out. Happy days are here again! Without the prison time. ‘Oklahoma is now the biggest medical marijuana market in the country on a per capita basis. More than 360,000 Oklahomans—nearly 10 percent of the state’s population—have acquired medical marijuana cards over the last two years. By comparison, New Mexico has the country’s second most popular program, with about 5 percent of state residents obtaining medical cards. Last month, sales since 2018 surpassed $1 billion.’”
ON LINE COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
 We’re getting a better look at Biden now that he’s out of the basement and President Elect, and his hair implants, facelifts, skinjobs, botox treatments and capped teeth are more than obvious, and frankly, a little frightening. What a team of makeup artists he must travel with, equal to an aging Hollywood starlet! This gentleman seems like he should have been a candidate for Keeper of the Crypt, not President of the US! Watching video of Biden today, he seems like a man out of his time, a ghost from the 1970s, from the Days of Watergate and the fall of Saigon. It’s incongruous, as if a Civil War era pol had become President in 1920, or Teddy Roosevelt got elected in 1940 to lead the US in WW2. Already, publications like Atlantic and USA Today are covering for him, his gaffs, malapropisms and nonsensical ramblings. When his face melts off on a hot summer day during some national crisis, how will they cover that up?
 From what I heard (cannot remember the source) the vast majority of deaths were people over 60 (>90%), majority were over 80 (80%).
What does this mean? Oldsters stay home, isolated, and everyone else gets on with it.
Are masks just blind virtue signaling? Partly that, but a lot of people, maybe most, think they cut down on spray when people talk and therefore cut down on transmission.
Studies get contradicted. In my estimation this type of thing takes time, for the longest time the experts said masks don’t do any good. I heard it said that you may as well try to stop mosquitoes with chain link fences.
Still, err on the side of caution and wear a mask. But I wonder whether the harm done by all these shut-downs is for any worthwhile result.
 Biden’s signature speech, the infamous “Corn Pop” Lifeguard Reminiscences, isn’t quite the same caliber as the Gettysburg Address, but it does have a certain je ne sais quoi. And I quote, “By the way…I got hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun. And the kids used to come up to me, and rub my legs down, and watch the hairs come back up again, like roaches. So I learned about roaches. And I learned about kids jumping on my lap. And I loved kids jumping on my lap.” That’s right up there with Ferdinand I of Austria, who was so inbred that he would literally do things like shout, “I want noodles!” when questions regarding the kingdom were posed to him, and who masturbated in front of his subjects in court (he’d fit right in with Jeffrey Toobin or Harvey, or Louis, or Les Moonves, or Charlie Rose, or, you get the idea).
 This has truly grown tiresome. It makes me think of what it must have been like in the days when people were trying to explain the geocentric theory of the universe. An ever more cumbersome and convoluted system of epicycles, celestial spheres and ether were required to keep the theory afloat until it was finally replaced by a much more reasonable theory that explained astronomical observations and required only a few basic assumptions. And so goes the great election fraud theory. There is an ever expanding group of people who must be “in on it”, not a single one of which has broken ranks or had a slip of the tongue, more convoluted reasons why there is a massive amount of evidence that no one has actually seen or revealed either in court or in public, and twisted logic of why a “dream team” of lawyers (minus the ones who dropped out for some reason) has failed to get past first base in upwards of 30 different lawsuits in 30 different courts with 30 different judges. A much more reasonable theory would be that the one and only goal Trump has before it’s time to leave is to sow doubt among his supporters and anyone else who will listen, as to the validity of the election and therefore the legitimacy of a Biden presidency. In this theory, rather than failing, he has been wildly successful. For this theory, all that is required is for Trump to want to do this (check), maybe for revenge against the impeachment and Russia investigation, and a very small handful of loyalists and cowering sycophants who are willing to do his bidding (check). The rest of us then fall into one of three categories. The first is people who are willing to believe whatever Trump says and are being played for fools. The second is people who do not believe this nonsense and would rather believe their own senses and what they can actually observe. And the third category is opportunists who, regardless of what they believe, realize they can make money or politically gain by catering to a very large audience of people who are desperately looking for any reason to continue to believe in Trump. This last category includes various senators and representatives, “news” networks such as OANN and Newsmax, which have outfoxed Fox and are surely raking in increased advertising dollars due to dramatically increased viewership, as well as retailers selling Trump and election fraud merchandise, and blogs that are seeing increased traffic and therefore making more money. Really, the only question left to ask yourself is, which category do you fall into?
 I honestly cannot wait for January 20, 2021. At 12:00 Noon Chief Justice Roberts will give the Oath of Office to Chauncey Gardner…..oh…..I meant Joe Biden. Oh well, no harm done. No real difference. Both are essentially potted plants. Then, at 12:01 PM former President Trump will go FULL GROVER CLEVELAND and announce that he is a candidate for POTUS in 2024.
Heads will explode up and down the entire lengths of the East and West coasts.
Contrary to popular belief, Trump is going nowhere. Trump rallies will continue. A Trump News Network will be launched on cable or via live-streaming internet. Trump will continue to be the kingmaker within the GOP. Trump supporters will continue to fly Trump flags from cars, boats, planes, flying saucers, you name it.
The 24-hour news cycle will continue to revolve around Donald Trump 24/7/365, much to the consternation of millions of pink haired, transgendered, intersectional, Neptunian unicorns of color who populate the modern Democrat Party. TDS will continue as the nation’s leading mental disorder.
I’m gonna fill-up my survival bunker with crates of microwave popcorn. The next four years are going to be a HOOT!
 It does not require huge numbers of only Democrats in certain states to have somehow falsified hundreds of thousands of votes.
It does not require mysterious operatives at the Dominion voting machine company, cabals of “Deep State” personnel, Communist plots from Cuba, Venezuela and China, Hugo Chavez, or midnight raids of Spanish firms that had the “real” results showing Trump’s landslide victory.
It does not require anything to be secret and tens or hundreds of thousands of people to be in on that secret.
Instead, here are some facts that are not in dispute.
Trump claimed even before the election that the only way he could lose is by massive fraud. Now, via circular reasoning, he claims massive fraud because he lost. This, in and of itself, should be a big clue to you that the massive voter fraud theory is simply a classic conspiracy theory. Nevertheless, over 50% of Republicans believe the election was stolen, so, if Trump’s goal is to simply cast doubt on the election rather than actually overturn it, he has succeeded by any reasonable measure.
There have so far been no successful lawsuits that have proven voter fraud at the level required to overturn the election.
There have so far been no audits or recounts that have shown significant voter fraud at the level required to overturn the election. This includes Georgia, which uses Dominion voting machines and, as of this morning, Milwaukee WI, where Biden gained a handful of votes in the recount.
As for Sidney Powell’s lawsuit, we shall see. Trump won all 50 states? If you really believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.