Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. Well, I think I’ll start with my usual ‘speech’ about the upcoming County Fair.
I’m sure I don’t have to remind anyone around these parts about this wonderful event but, for my thousands of readers around the World, this coming weekend (Friday 14th-Sunday 16th) will see Boonville once again host The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show, or as it is commonly called — ‘The Best Little Fair in the West!’ All the usual events (Rodeo, Sheep Dog Trial, the Apple Bowl high school football game (but, inexcusably, no soccer!), live music with Dean Titus and The Coyote Cowboys, games, rides, etc, etc) will be taking place, plus the many exhibitions and displays that show off the County’s best livestock and agriculture, not to mention all the various talents in terms of arts, crafts, gardening, etc, etc that so many people in the county possess. With food and drink in plentiful supply and so many familiar faces to see, I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t be there.
Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #135. In case you have just surfaced from your cave in the hills, and fell asleep during the paragraph above, the County Fair is this weekend. See you there. #136. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital return to the Valley next Thursday, Sept 20, when they will be at The AV Farm Supply from 2-3.30pm. #137. An early heads-up for a benefit dinner that Libby's Restaurant in Philo is having for the Elder Home on Sunday, September 30. There will be two seatings, at 5 and 7pm, each serving a three-course meal, with tickets going for $30 per person, drinks to be purchased separately. Seating limited so pre-purchase your ticket at Libby's, All That Good Stuff, Lemon's Market in Philo, or call the EH at 895-3889.
Moving quickly on to discussions this week at The Three-Dot Lounge — “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.
…Here are some intriguing questions that were raised at The 3-Dot in the past few days about this weekend’s County Fair. Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher’ once again expose herself to County Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade? Will ‘King’ Ken Allen, former AV Brewery owner and last place finisher (with one vote) in the unofficial AV Mayor’s election a couple of years ago, show his face? If he does, will he then do his usual trick of pushing in at the front of the line for the Prather Dinner on Saturday night? Is Pickles the Clown going to show up and scare lots of small children? Will any local teenage girls run off with a Carny? Will any local schoolboys run off and become a Carny? Will the corndogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever? And most importantly, will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the sixth year in succession? All this, and possibly more, will be revealed this coming weekend.
…At this point in our discussions I got up on my perch behind The 3-Dot bar and gave my annual pre-Fair speech to the assembled masses: “I would like to remind some of you, particularly the younger generation, that it is not all about the carnival rides and looking cool with your date, important though such pastimes certainly are. Try to also check out the various display halls of arts, crafts, agriculture, etc, along with the impressive livestock corrals, the traditional rodeo, and the always-exciting sheep dog trials. This Fair is a really unique event and one of a dying breed, so why not broaden your horizons and enjoy everything ‘The Best Little Fair in the West’ has to offer? In my humble opinion, that would be cool too. Trust me on this; you can thank me later.”
…Several regulars at The 3-Dot were very excited to learn that the pulled pork sandwich has returned to the menu at Lauren’s Restaurant in Boonville. If there is a finer sandwich available in town I have yet to experience it and when served with those scrumptious French fries, then it’s — and you know what’s next — “a positively orgasmic experience.”
…Speaking of fine food experiences, the AV High School Ag Dept has their delicious, ‘real’ eggs for sale at $4.00/dozen. Call Beth in the Ag Classroom at 895-2514.
…I have attended 22 County Fairs which is a mere trifle compared to the number attended by Eva Holcomb, who holds the all-time record for most Fairs attended. This will be her 75th, yes, 75! She has not missed one since first attending as a four year old in 1938. Surely at this point Eva eats, drinks, and goes on as many rides as she likes, all for free! Hopefully the Fair Board is taking care of this.
…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series, ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “This past weekend saw the annual Winesong Festival taking place both in the Valley and out on the coast. On Sunday afternoon the event featured open houses throughout the Valley and many wineries provided special wine and food pairings for their visitors to enjoy. I visited several of the venues involved and experienced some delicious tastings. My top three, in no particular order, would be the roasted pig and 2009 Pinot at Phillip’s Hill, the various sausage and mustard pairings with the 2010 Pinot at Balo, and the chardonnay/raspberry truffle chocolate fudge paired with the 2009 Uber Tuscan Sangiovese and Cabernet blend at Brutocao. Superb! It all made for a terrific day out in the Valley. So why do I mention it here? Because for such a special and unique experience, filled with some top class wine and food pairings, the event was very poorly attended. Perhaps this was because it was on the weekend between Labor Day and the County Fair; maybe because it was the first day of the NFL season; or the reason might have been that people simply cannot afford a whole weekend of wine drinking and couldn‘t attend the third day of this event having already taken part in the festivities on Friday and Saturday. I do not know. But if this event is even considered for cancellation, heaven forbid, then in my mind that would surely be a sign that the Apocalypse is fast approaching.”
Time to take my leave and get to work on my carrion-guzzling technique for the Fair. So, until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at email@example.com. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan; behaving yourself? Hopefully not! PPPS. Skylark — read any good books lately?