Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. Hopefully you have recovered from America’s Finest Holiday that took place last Thursday and have by now finally finished off the last turkey sandwich. Next up, in my humble and curmudgeonly opinion, it’s one of the most annoying and crassly commercialized holidays — Christmas, which as I have said many times before, is really only enjoyed by a very small percentage of adults, all children, and most gay men. Trust me on this — I did the research.
Talking of children, I don’t believe I have done any quotes with them as the subject — time to rectify that right now in your Quotes of the Week. First, let’s have this piece of damning wisdom from Kingsley Amis (1922-1995), the English novelist, poet, and critic, who said, “It was no wonder that people were so horrible when they started life as children.” And on a more positive note we have this from Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. (1841-1935), the American jurist who served as an Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States from 1902 to 1932 — “Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.” And here's a more humorous point of view from comedian Rodney Dangerfield who tells us “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot — but I always found them.” And finally, my own personal philosophy, expressed perfectly in a proverb — “Spare the rod and you spoil the child.” Oops, I have probably upset some folks, but they should not worry. I am not on the local school board — yet.
Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #342. One of my favorite events of the year this weekend — the ICW (Independent Career Women) Christmas Party to which dependent male significant others are invited — Saturday, Dec 1, Roederer Winery, it’s invitation only. I’ve got mine! #343. The monthly School Board meeting is at 6pm on Monday, Dec 3 at the high school. #344. ‘Christmas at the Little Red Schoolhouse’ is a special event that is being put on by the AV Historical Society on Sunday, Dec 9 from 1-5pm at the AV Museum which is that very same Little Red Schoolhouse. #345. The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will return to the Farm Supply in the Valley tomorrow, Thursday, Nov 29 from 2-3:30pm. I am not sure when they will be back in December so if you have some medicinal pet duties to perform get them done now just in case they are not back until the New Year. #346. It’s time for the 55th Redwood Classic! Yes folks, “The Biggest Little Basketball Tournament in the World” takes place at the high school gym from this Wednesday, Nov 28, through Saturday, Dec 1. The tournament’s first game is at 3.30pm on Wednesday followed by games at 5pm and 6.30pm before the hometown heroes from AV take to the court to play their first round game at 8pm against Bradshaw Christian School from Sacramento.
As a bonus here is the menu for the two lunches over the next week at the Senior Center. The Center asks for a $5 donation from Seniors and charges $7 for Non-Seniors. On Thursday, November 29 the lunch, that is always served at 12.15pm, will be Sesame Noodles with Chicken, Asparagus, Asian Slaw, Tubule Salad, Fruit Salad, Green Salad, Wendy’s Oatmeal Bars and then next Tuesday, December 4th Marti Titus and her crew will be serving Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes w/ Gravy, Rolls, Glazed Carrots, Quinoa Salad, Green Salad, Mixed Fruit, Birthday Cup Cakes. Hope to see you there.
Moving quickly on to a few of the topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge: “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley where people gather and share their thoughts about Valley life.
… Last Wednesday evening, a number of 3-Dot regulars were wondering what the criteria is to get on the front page of this newspaper After all, play-off Championships for the local high school boys’ soccer team one week and then one for the Volleyball girls the following week, both failed to make the cut. Team photos did appear inside the newspaper, on the local page each week, as did a report on the soccer game, which is nice of course but not the same as the front page. A number of Valley high school sports fans commented on this also. I do not have an answer, but many folks think we should be told.
…Apart from those opinions, the 3-Dot was closed over the holiday weekend so that’s all I have to report. The usual suspects will be back this week, no doubt, so I’ll be sharing their thoughts with you in next week’s column.
…From our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, comes another in his insightful series. ‘The Approach of the Apocalypse.’ Buzzard reports, “When the Apocalypse does happen it will mean no more Thanksgivings and that is perhaps the greatest loss to civilization of all. One particularly civilized thing that occurs every Turkey Day is the Presidential pardon given to a Turkey every year by the chief Executive. Some of you may be unaware of the other pardon given out on this special day. In keeping with a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, Vice President Joe Biden ceremonially pardoned a four-pound yam today at a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden. “Under my authority as vice president of the United States of America, I hereby grant this yam full and unconditional clemency,” a smiling Biden declared as he gently patted “Spud,” a Beauregard sweet potato grown in Louisiana and selected from millions of candidates yielded by this year’s harvest. “May he never find himself in a casserole. Right, little guy?” Like yams reprieved before him, Spud will ride as an honored guest aboard the second float of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day Parade before spending the rest of his life in the comfort and safety of a tuber petting zoo.
I’m outtahere. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you. One final request, “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse through the Letters Page or at firstname.lastname@example.org. PPS. Hi, Silver Swan — behaving yourself? Hopefully not!