Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. So it’s that time again. The County Fair comes to Boonville! Let’s start with some intriguing questions that were raised at the Three-Dot this past week with regard to this weekend’s activities. Will the attendance be an increase on the recent year’s disappointing numbers? Will the infamous “Large-breasted Boonville Flasher” once again expose herself to Sheriff Tom Allman as he rides in the Parade? Will the Varsity Football team put a “big hurt” on Mendocino in The Apple Bowl and the AV High School Soccer team hammer the Potter Valley Bearcats in the Apple Cup? Will there be any sheep wounded at the Sheep Dog Trial? Will Pickles the Clown scare any small children? Will any teenage girls run off with a Carny? (See Quiz below). Will the corn dogs be as good and as unhealthy as ever? Will I win the Carrion-Eating Contest for the ninth year in succession? All this, and possibly more, will be revealed at The Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show this coming weekend, September 12-14. One thing you should be aware of is the news that Pat Hulbert, just back in the Valley after two or three months of successful cancer treatment will be this year’s Grand Marshall in the Parade. Welcome home, Pat, don’t forget to wave to me!
Perhaps even more important than the County Fair is the occasion next Tuesday, September 16, of Ross Murray’s 96th Birthday! Yes, the former dance man in the chorus lines behind the likes of Fred Astaire, Betty Hutton, and Shirley Temple; the WW2 pilot of B29 bombers; successful radio playwright; Head of the Sound Effects Department for CBS; major contributor to both the Danny Kaye Show, for which he received one of his three Emmy’s, and the Carol Burnett Show, where he met the love of his life, Joyce, was born in 1918 and that makes him the Valley’s oldest man. Freda Fox is the Valley’s oldest resident beating Ross to number 96 back in March of this year. “Many happy returns, Ross!”
Topics and events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge. Yes Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors from my favorite gathering place in the Valley. This week the regulars just sat around and decided that at such a time it would seem churlish not to compile a short County Fair Quiz.
1. What is the record for corn dogs consumed by one person/creature at a County Fair?
2. How many high school girls have run away with carneys from the Fair in the last ten years?
3. When was the first sheep dog trial held at the Fair?
4. Who has the record for attending most County Fairs?
5. And finally, a multiple choice-question. how did County Sheriff Tom Allman react when two unfeasibly large breasts were flashed at him as he rode in the Parade during the 2010 Fair? a. He had the culprit arrested; b. He smiled sheepishly and looked away; c. He gave the woman a hug and asked her for her phone number; d. He bared his own chest. (Answers below.)
Public Service Announcements. Calendars and pens at the ready. #773. After selling out twice, the recently published local history book. ‘Then and Now. An Anderson Valley Journey’ is now back at local stores and venues. All proceeds go to the AV Historical Society and Museum. #774. The Vets from Mendocino Animal Hospital will be back in the Valley a week from tomorrow. on Thursday, September 18. #775. A reminder of another top notch live music show coming to the Navarro Store Amphitheatre, or is it Palladium. Following the sold-out concert by the Subdudes last Saturday evening, perhaps an even bigger night will take place on Saturday, September 27 at 7pm it’s the return to the Valley of the great electric blues harmonica man, Charlie Musselwhite. Tickets available at 895-9445. #776. And for you cave-dwellers out there, those of you who rarely venture out to the real world (or rather Mendocino’s version of it), please be informed that the Mendocino County Fair is taking place in Boonville this weekend. Friday to Sunday, September 12-14. #777. I believe there may be a drumming circle night at The Grange this evening. Wednesday, September 10 from 7pm-9pm. #778. According to the AV Chamber of Commerce website there are four AV Grange Membership meetings between now and the end of the year, and according to them that’s about it in terms of events around here until then.
Here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center at the Veterans Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors. Tomorrow, Thursday, September 11, the lunch, always served by Marti Titus and her crew at 12.15pm, will be Chicken Alfredo, Pasta, Sautéed Kale, Garlic Bread, Barley Salad, and Triple Layer Mud Pie for dessert. Then next Tuesday, September 16, the menu will feature Cashew Chicken, Noodles, Snow Peas, Asian Slaw, Quinoa Salad, with a delicious dessert of Boston Cream Pie Cake. Remember, all ages are welcome! Hope to see you there.
Fair Quiz answers. 1. The record for most Corn Dogs consumed by one person/creature over the course the Fair belongs to the Old Buzzard who last year ate 17 of these deliciously awful delicacies over the three days. I don’t think he has ever really recovered. 2. In the last ten years four local high school girls have run away with those devilish Carney’s who work at the Fair and, some might say, “prey” on the local girls who perhaps yearn for the excitement of the carnival life in the belief that all there is to do in the Valley is attend AV Grange membership meetings. One girl returned to the Valley within a week or so, smelling of corn dogs and curly fries but a little wiser; one is happily married to her beloved Carney and they now have four little carneys-in-the-making; one is an “actress/dancer/escort” in San Francisco; and one soon dumped the Carney, moved to Silicon Valley, hung around with some very smart nerds, and recently sold the startup company they developed for over $500 million. 3. The first sheep dog trial was held at the County Fair in 1976. 4. The person who has attended more County Fairs than anyone is Eva Holcomb; this will be her 77th, yes, 77th! She has not missed one since first attending as a four year old in 1938. Surely at this point Eva eats, drinks, and goes on as many rides as she likes. all for free! Hopefully the Fair Board is taking care of this. 5. And finally, the answer to how the Sheriff reacted when confronted by the Large-Breasted Boonville Flasher is that he gave her a hug and got her phone number. Naah! I kid the Sheriff; he actually blushed slightly and turned away with a sheepish grin.
I’m outtahere. I’ve got see a man about a sheep. Until we talk again, Keep the Faith; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, Let us prey. Sometimes poking, often stroking, but always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. (Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or at email@example.com.) PS. Keep wagging that tail, Fred… Is that ‘lafter’ I hear, Carroll?… Keep up the good work, Round-eyed Robin.