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Bird’s Eye View (Jan 28, 2015)

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comfortably then I shall begin. To begin this week let’s hear from our 3-Dot regular, The Old Buzzard, with another in his insightful series. “Signs that the Apocalypse is Approaching.” Buzzard reports, “Most folks are hopefully interested enough to be well aware of the Republican hold on both houses of Congress, but at the state level many people may have missed that they also now control both chambers in 30 state legislatures and in 24 states their power is unchecked, meaning they control the legislature and the governorship. My research tells me that the party has not had this much clout in the states since the 1920s and only seven states currently remain under complete Democratic control. Vermont, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Delaware, Oregon, Hawaii, and of course California.”

This means quite simply, and in my humble opinion, that the “Apocalypse is Approaching” and perhaps it can only be stopped from doing so if the Republicans choose yet another incompetent as their Presidential candidate for 2016. Enter Mitt Romney, the new Republican frontrunner. Oh well, at least when he loses we can all look forward to his third autobiography(?). As Winston Churchill said, “Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.” Welcome back, Mitt! (Warning: “Saint” Reagan lost twice before winning).

Moving on. Public Service Announcements. #477. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital will be in the Valley tomorrow, Thursday, January 29. As usual, the venue and time is the AV Farm Supply from 2-4pm, and new customers are always welcome. Unfortunately, due to staffing problems, there are no visits scheduled for February at this time. #478. Final word on this. The Crab Feed on February 7 has sold out, all 350 tickets. The waiting list has also been closed. #479. The Boonville Winter Market is every Saturday, rain or shine, in front of the Boonville General Store, 10-12:30. Come on down to Boonville and either sell or buy locally grown or made food or crafts. For more info, call Cindy at 895-2949. #480. No Barn sale over the first weekend of the new month; that event will begin in April, I believe.

Here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week at the Senior Center in the Veterans Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors for lunches and charges $7 for Non-seniors. Tomorrow, Thursday, January 29, the lunch, served by Marti Titus and her crew at Noon, will be the “Breakfast for Lunch.” French toast Casserole, with Oatmeal breakfast cookies for dessert. Then, next Tuesday, February 3, lunch will feature Meat Loaf, Mashed potatoes with gravy, Corn Barley salad, and Cup Cakes for dessert. All meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. Hopefully you will be able to attend, and remember, ALL ages are welcome! Hope to see you there.

Topics and Valley events under discussion this week at The Three-Dot Lounge: yes it’s “Moans, Groans, Good Thoughts, and Rampant (and surprisingly reliable) Rumors” from my favorite gathering place in the Valley.

…Following previous weeks’ clearly successful introduction of “Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley,” the 3-Dot brain trust and myself met once again and have come up with two more brief and simple guidelines/suggestions for the Valley’s welfare in 2015. Here we go. 1. No more ego-vineyards are allowed. Particularly if it is to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different field of expertise. Further disqualifications would be if they are living in some far-flung location and have never lived here; or if they are someone who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head. 2. Chocolate Chip Vanilla Ice Cream will be in plentiful supply at every grocery store in The Valley at all times. (For previous weeks’ suggestions see the end of column).

…For entertainment purposes only, after all I know you don’t bet; who would? You’ll never find a bookie in dire financial straits. I suggest you give up the single point currently offered on the current Vegas odds and go with the very slightly favored New England Patriots in this coming weekend’s little football game. Patriots Coach Bill Belichick not only knows how to “bend the rules” he is also arguably one of the smartest coaches in history; Seahawks coach Pete Carroll is not. So, with the teams virtually equal after all of the usual categories are considered, I’d say you go with the smarter coach, particularly when he has two weeks to prepare. I’d also go with the “Under” on the total points scored, currently at 48. As you will not be putting any money on the game of course, perhaps with your “goodwill and gratitude” you can take me out for a burger and fries at Lauren’s or spicy wings at The Buckhorn. Just a thought.

…Speaking of our local restaurants, Aquarelle, Stone and Embers, and Libby’s are all still closed, although I am reliably informed that the latter’s re-opening is imminent. Meanwhile, many thanks to those at the other Valley eateries who have been feeding us so well.

…A number of 3-Dot regulars plan to attend the Unity Club meeting at 1pm on Thursday, February 5 at the Fairgrounds when both high school principal Michelle Hutchins and local deputy sheriff Craig Walker will give talks and hopefully be asked to respond to demanding questions as the audience sips coffee and nibbles on cookies. It all sounds very civilized to me and I’m already looking forward “stumping the guests.”

Well now I think it’s time to take my leave. once again I’ve got see a man about a sheep. So, until we talk again. “Keep the Faith’; be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; please remember to keep your windows cracked if you have pets in your vehicle; and may your god go with you. Oh, and of course, one final request, “Let us prey”. Sometimes poking, often stroking, but almost always humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. pleased in the knowledge that the old hare has returned safely to his burrow.

Previous suggestions for “Turkey Vulture’s Ideas for An Even Better Valley” in 2015.

1. All attendees at Pot Lucks in The Valley must bring a dish or alcohol large enough to feed or quench the thirst of at least eight guests. A stick of celery/ day-old bread/two beers will no longer suffice.

2. Anyone, anywhere in public, starting a sentence with “You should” will be fined $1 on the spot. All monies going towards the Turkey Vulture Retirement Home Plan. we should make quite a bundle.

3. The small choice in toilet tissue sold at the local stores will be enlarged so as to include the really strong stuff that myself and The Four-eyed Woodpecker, to name just two, require to complete our daily ablutions satisfactorily and thus avoid the “internal self-examination” we currently seem to have to go through every morning.

4. When people are asked a question about something they know nothing or very little about, they should be encouraged to say, “I don’t know.” That is o.k. We can’t all know everything about everything, and this is a very acceptable response is such instances. Perhaps more importantly, it will also save everyone lots of time.

p.s. You can contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page or by e-mail at <>

p.p.s. Skylark. read any good books lately?. Keep on humming, Hummingbird. Everything cool with you, O.J.? Of course it is.

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