Hard to believe, but one morning last week a used condom was discovered in a planter outside the AVA office in the heart of Boonville! One of the obvious suspects, the AVA’s Major Scaramella, has been ruled out as the person who deposited it there by local investigators essentially because, in his own words, “Women don't like me.” This is not strictly accurate but I know what he is saying. The other prime suspect, our Supreme Leader, Sir Bruce Anderson, a fine conversationalist and not an unhandsome man to certain members of the opposite sex I’m sure, is acting suspiciously pleased with himself and seeing him leap up the office steps after his rigorous morning workout in the parking lot I cannot help but think that further investigations as to the culprit are not necessary. All that remains of interest to the community is for the lucky (I have to assume) lady to reveal herself. After all, the prime suspect is a gentleman and will never kiss and tell.
On an equally disturbing note, related to the unsavory and mischievous hanky-panky in and around the AVA offices, it is also true that two small rogue marijuana plants are growing in a couple of the other, condom-free, planters at the edge of the parking lot at the front of that the same location. It’s all very odd — some explaining is due.
The “Evening Dining in the Valley” update:
Lauren’s Restaurant sees Libby (of Libby’s Restaurant in Philo fame) as Guest Chef every Monday from 5-9pm, regular hours remain Thursday-Sunday, 11.30am-2.30pm for lunch, and dinner on Tuesday-Saturday, 5-9pm. Lizbby’s, the Mexican Restaurant in downtown Boonville, is open Monday to Saturday from 10am-9pm, serving breakfast on Saturday, closed on Sunday. The Buckhorn is open on Saturdays and Sundays from 10am-Midnight, serving weekend brunch each day from 10am-3pm. They are open weekdays at 11am, closed on Tuesdays. The Boonville Hotel continues with their family-style, prix fixe menu with expanded hours to Thursday-Monday evenings. They cook by reservation so call (707)-895-2210. The Q and Aquarelle has a new “Santa Maria BBQ” menu, featuring ribs and chicken. Open 4-8pm from Friday-Taco Tuesday. The Redwood Drive-In keeps their regular 6am-8pm hours every day!). Stone and Embers in The Madrones is open from Noon to 8pm Friday-Sunday and Noon to 4pm on Monday and Tuesday. Down in the Deep End, The Bewildered Pig is open Thursday-Saturday, 4:30-5.30pm; Happy Hour; Supper from 5.30-9pm, and on Sunday 11.30am-7pm.
Public Service Announcements. #546. The Vets from the Mendocino Animal Hospital visit the Valley at the AV Farm Supply on Highway 128, north of Philo, from 2-3.30pm tomorrow, June 1 and again in two weeks, on June 15. Best to turn up at around 3pm. New customers can call 462-8833 and the vets will bring your pet’s charts with them. #547. The Boonville Farmers resumes summer hours 9.30am-Noon at the Boonville Hotel parking lot. For more information, call Cindy at 895-2949. #548. The next monthly Barn Sale at The Big Barn alongside the St. Elizabeth Seton Catholic Church Refectory on AV Way, just north of Boonville, is the weekend of Saturday/Sunday, June 10/11 from 9am to 3pm each day. #549. The Unity Club’s AV Lending Library is open Tuesdays from 1.30-4.30pm and Saturdays 2-4pm at The Fairgrounds in Boonville. #550. The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Here is the menu for the Community lunches over the next week in the Senior Center at the Veterans Building in Boonville. The Center asks for a $6 donation from seniors and charges $7 for Non-seniors. Tomorrow, Thursday, June 1, the lunch is at Noon, served by Marti Titus and her crew. Then, next Tuesday, June 6, the lunch will also be served at noon. Unfortunately, the menu is not yet available yet. But all meals include vegetables, salad bar, and fruit, plus milk, coffee, tea, and lemonade. The best value for money all week! Tuesday and Thursday from 9-9.45am the Center offers “Young at Heart Exercise” with Linda Boudoures and Karen DeFalco. Tai Chi is available every Tuesday at 11am, and Thursdays at 11am-Noon is Kathy’s Easy-stretch Yoga class. The Active Life Club runs from 10am to 2pm on Thursdays featuring games, crafts, and music. The Senior Center/Community Bus goes to Ukiah on Mondays and Santa Rosa on the first Wednesday. Sign up early at 489-1175.
I’m outta here, gotta see a man about a sheep. So be careful out there; if you break a leg don’t come running to me; stay out of the ditches; be wary of strangers with more dogs than teeth; show love to your pets, they will be faithful and true to you; and remember to keep your windows cracked if you leave them in your vehicle; think good thoughts; Keep the Faith; try to not let life get in the way of living; may your god go with you, and may your dog go with you too. A final request, Let us prey. Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture. Contact me through the Letters Page or at firstname.lastname@example.org. PS. Hi, George. Hope you and Sheila are well. Is that “lafter” I hear, Carroll? Bobwhite Quail. keep up the knitting!