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Mendocino County Today: Sunday, June 10, 2018

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JEFF HANSEN, the founder of Anderson Valley’s Lula Cellars and a beloved figure in winemaking, passed away on June 5 at UCSF Medical Center in San Francisco. He was 66.

In May 2017, after more than three decades of making award-winning California wines, Hansen stepped down as winemaker at Lula Cellars, the label he named after his grandmother. He retained the title of Founder, and also served as Winemaker Emeritus of the limited production, ultra-premium winery. As Winemaker Emeritus, he was available to Lula Cellars for special projects, grower development and production tastings.

"Jeff not only founded Lula Cellars, he was the creative force and inspiration behind everything we have done," shares Ken Avery, Managing Partner at Lula Cellars. “When he retired last year, it was very important to us that we carry on with Jeff’s vision and honor the legacy that he worked so hard to create. The entire Lula family is deeply saddened by his passing."

Jeff Hansen’s career in wine began in 1987 when he worked in the tasting room of Spring Mountain Vineyard in Napa Valley. That same year he made his first wine at home, a cabernet using grapes from Spring Mountain. Later, while working in sales for Spring Mountain, he discovered the coolest appellation in California, the Anderson Valley region in Mendocino County. He fell in love with this sparsely populated and ruggedly beautiful area, famed for its Pinot Noir grapes. In 1991, Jeff produced his first wines for Amici Cellars in Calistoga, and continued to make wines for the label for nearly twenty years.

In 2009 he sold his interest in Amici and plotted his next step – a small batch Anderson Valley winery that would bear the name of his grandmother Lula. The winery he opened in 2010 is a tribute to his grandmother’s tenacity and optimism in the face of adversity. She was born in the Oklahoma Territory in 1879 and raised three children by herself while working multiple jobs with remarkable grace and optimism. Jeff cited her as his inspiration in life.

The winery that bears his grandmother’s name was lauded from the very start, with their first 600 cases selling out. Over the years, Hansen’s handcrafted Mendocino Coast and Anderson Valley wines – including Pinot Noir, Zinfandel, Dry Gewurztraminer, Sauvignon Blanc and Rosato – won him both loyal fans and a plethora of gold medals.

“Jeff and I were close friends since 1987, the year we both moved to Napa Valley and started our careers in wine,” says Steve Spadarotto, CEO at Far Niente Wine Estates. “He was charming and charismatic, loved by everyone who met him, and above all, an outstanding winemaker and loyal friend.”

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by Daniel Mintz

A draft version of Humboldt County’s policy on Eel River issues has been strengthened to suggest the removal of the river’s major dam.

The county’s stance on Eel River management and the Potter Valley Project (PVP) was finalized at the June 5 Board of Supervisors meeting.

Stemming from PG&E’s recent announcement that it plans to auction off the PVP or transfer it to a public entity, the policy spells out what the county is seeking in the future.

Owned and operated by PG&E as a marginal hydroelectric power facility, the PVP has a more controversial primary purpose as a mechanism to divert Eel River water to Mendocino and Sonoma counties.

The sale or transfer of the PVP is pressured by the costly requirements of its upcoming Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) re-licensing, including installation of fish passage infrastructure.

Humboldt County Supervisors Estelle Fennell and Rex Bohn comprise the board’s ad hoc committee which produced the draft of the policy.

The county will advocate for “a thorough consideration” of decommissioning the PVP, according to a resolution outlining the county’s stance.

The Eel River has two dams. Craig Tucker, who has extensive experience in Klamath River issues and is advising the county on the PVP, said the removal of Scott Dam, which feeds the Lake Pillsbury reservoir, is an option that could dramatically advance salmon passage while still maintaining the southern counties’ water access.

When the PVP was built, it consisted of Cape Horn Dam and the Van Arsdale Reservoir. That only allowed for diversion in the winter months, Tucker continued.

The subsequent construction of Scott Dam and its much larger reservoir allowed year-round diversions. Tucker said that the National Marine Fisheries Service required “operational changes for fish” in 2004, putting limits on diversion.

“So I think the opportunity is here for some kind of arrangement – possibly with partial project removal – where you could have a monumental leap forward in fisheries restoration but still provide some of the water diversions that are really important to our neighbors to the south,” he continued.

The alternative to federal re-licensing – having a public entity take over the PVP – has already provoked controversy.

The Eel Russian River Commission (ERRC), which Fennell chairs, is made up of representatives from Humboldt, Mendocino, Sonoma and Lake counties, and Friends of the Eel River has alleged that a “secret plan” to transfer the PVP to the commission is afoot.

But during a public comment period, Stephanie Tidwell, Friends of the Eel’s executive director, said the group is now “encouraged by the direction that this resolution is going in.” She also expressed distrust in a regional approach, however, saying Sonoma County has “a lot more money and they’re a lot more powerful than we are.”

Tidwell asked supervisors to strengthen the resolution by demanding that water diversion be “radically reduced.” She added that blocking salmon migration isn’t the only problem with Scott Dam.

It was built almost 100 years ago in an earthquake hazard location and the Lake Pillsbury reservoir hosts an invasive fish species that preys on juvenile salmon.

Dr. Denver Nelson, who has been involved in Eel River advocacy for decades, recommended that the county’s policy include a statement targeting Scott Dam.

“A fundamental aspect of being a physician is if you have an infection, you’re never going to cure the infection without getting rid of the abscess,” he said. “In Potter Valley, Scott Dam and Lake Pillsbury is like a big abscess.”

Supervisor Mike Wilson supported Nelson’s recommendation on Scott Dam removal advocacy, saying that it should be open to study and debate.

Fennell has spearheaded the policy effort — and has been criticized for not revealing the occurrence and contents of meetings with Mendocino and Sonoma representatives.

Addressing that, she said, “One of things about being involved in these talks is that there are questions about ‘Oh, you’re talking in secret’ – but some things that are discussed in these meetings reveal a lot but cannot be discussed in total because you can’t be putting words in people’s mouths.”

She suggested that the idea of removing Scott Dam and its reservoir has more support on a regional level than people may assume.

“There seems to be less support for Lake Pillsbury than there is for the fisheries or any of the other aspects of the project – that’s about as much as I can say,” Fennell said.

Supervisors agreed to add a policy statement saying that removal of Scott Dam “may be necessary” to sustain fish populations.

Wilson pushed for a statement that specifically calls for the dam removal, but Fennell supported building a case for it first.

“We will need all the professional expertise we can gather to make our argument and we intend to do that,” she said.

Supervisors unanimously approved the resolution with the added statement on Scott Dam.

The final version of the policy also describes decommissioning the PVP as “inevitable and desirable” and calls for “elimination of summer and fall water diversions” from the Eel River.

References to Wiyot, Round Valley, Bear River and Blue Lake Rancheria tribal interests in Eel River preservation were also added.

The county’s policy was part of a discussion on the PVP when the Eel-Russian River Commission met on June 8 in Ukiah.

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This little bundle of cuteness is O'Mally—a 6 week old male kitten. O'Mally is very friendly and affectionate. It's hard to get any work done at the shelter with all the adorableness, as slowly but surely kittens are arriving after being in foster care homes, and are now available for adoption. Looking for two kittens? O'Mally came in with his brother, Guiseppe, who is also a very cute black kitten available for adoption. If you love kittens, now’s the time to take a trip to the Ukiah Shelter!

Juno is a 3 year old, spayed female, mixed breed dog. A staff and volunteer favorite, we fell in LOVE with this snuffling, snorting dog! Juno is adorable--sweet, goofy, and quite the talker. Miss Juno, participated in multi-dog play group, and the group leader told us Juno was confident, had no "issues" and would benefit from more play group time. We would like Juno to meet any potential doggie housemates before she is adopted. Juno is looking for a feline free home. To see more about Juno, visit

The Ukiah Animal Shelter is located at 298 Plant Road in Ukiah, and adoption hours are Tuesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday from 10 am to 4:30 pm and Wednesday from 10 am to 6:30 pm. To see photos and bios of the shelter's adoptable animals, please visit online at: or visit the shelter. Join us the second Saturday of every month for our "Empty the Shelter" pack walk and help us get every dog out for some socialization and exercise! For more information about adoptions please call 707-467-6453.

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(ED NOTE: You can’t go wrong with a class from Terry Gowan, a long-time dedicated and skilled local paramedic.)

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FORT BRAGG City Council to discuss Mill Site Reuse Plan: Land Use Regulations and Development Standards on June 11

On June 11, 2018 the Fort Bragg City Council will discuss Mill Site Reuse Plan: Land Use Regulations and Development Standards. For further detail, click here and scroll to item 7B.

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FORT BRAGG City Council to discuss Scope of Work for Preparation of an EIR for the Remedial Action Plan for Operable Unit E and the Pond 8 Dam Stabilization Project on June 11

On June 11, 2018 the Fort Bragg City Council will discuss Scope of Work for Preparation of an EIR for the Remedial Action Plan for Operable Unit E and the Pond 8 Dam Stabilization Project. For further detail, click here and scroll to item 7D.

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Critical action: please get comments to DTSC by Monday June 11th

Your comments to DTSC on the clean up for OU-E and the GP mill ponds are critical now. Tell DTSC that it is unacceptable to leave the mill ponds as is.

The California Department of Toxic Substance Control (DTSC), which has directed removal of dioxin and other toxins from the G-P property, told our community there is nothing more they can do right now. This is alarming and misleading.

The most important take away from the last meeting with DTSC is that they will not be our champion, or great hope, to insist G-P thoroughly clean up the remaining toxins in the mill ponds (#7 and #8). They made that clear. They are constrained by a process that favors the corporations. BUT “community acceptance” is still an important criteria. We must keep the pressure on and make it clear that we do not accept the toxic pond #8 with a fence around it and pond #7, which is even more toxic than pond #8.

Your comments are critical: send them to:


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Barring any upset from mail ballots still to be counted, Anderson Valley School District Superintendent Michelle Hutchins has won the race for superintendent of county schools at the Mendocino County Office of Education.

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LITTLE DOG SAYS, “All these suicides! Makes me glad to be a dog. We live it up as long as we can then we go, but we never go until we're called.”

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I MARRIED A MANIAC: The estranged wife of the suspected East Area Rapist has spoken out for the first time since the arrest of 72-year-old Joseph James DeAngelo. Sharon Huddle, who has been cooperating with investigators, requested a statement be released on her behalf through the Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department.

“My thoughts and prayers are for the victims and their families. The press has relentlessly pursued interviews of me. I will not be giving any interviews for the foreseeable future. I ask the press to please respect my privacy and that of my children.”

DeAngelo and Huddle married in Placer County on November 10, 1973.

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Look at these beauty queens! They come in a rainbow of colors, smell otherworldly and will make you happy for up to a week. Just swing by the apple farm stand and get them and more while they are fresh this weekend. Keep an eye out for our flower sign in the driveway during the upcoming months for more local organic flowers grown by yours truly in Philo!

(Click to enlarge)

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Letter to the Editor:

The Anderson Valley Elder Home Board would like to thank everyone who made the Memorial Day Lions Club Barbecue an enjoyable event and a successful fund-raiser for the Elder Home.

Every year, many community members and businesses donate items for the silent auction: wineries, restaurants, merchants, artists, and other community members donate lovely items, gift certificates, classes, and interesting experiences. We had a wonderful collection of auction items.

A big thank you goes to the Anderson Valley Lions Club, which helps our own and other AV non-profits with their fundraising by arranging the site, cooking and serving the meal, and selling tickets at the event.

Thank you to all who came out to make this a success. We are truly blessed to live in such an active and supportive community,


Cynthia McMath


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THE CALIFORNIA REPORT (KQED) has expanded a story first reported in its initial stages by Kym Kemp of Redheaded Blackbelt about suspicious drug "interdictions" on Highway 101 near Hopland by police from Rohnert Park. ‘Highway Robbery’: Drivers Allege Rohnert Park Police Illegally Seized Cannabis, Cash

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Throughout the early 80s, a renegade band of CAMP members, (including helicopter pilots) terrorized small time (but profitable) growers in Mendocino County.

“Terrorized” is the right word. The crew of 4-10 thieves (from a variety of law enforcement agencies) would bust down every door of the house around 3am, mid-week. After hog-tying the occupants, they would be dosed in lighter fluid and asked where the family stash was kept.

The neighborhood hired a PI, who found direct, evidence-based, proof of identities and their “cover” employment. But our Investigator said he would “fear for his business and his life” if he provided us with the printed material; it was documentation we would need to proceed without him, and for which he was paid in advance. No refund, no report.

The only option open to us was to file the story and complaint with every Sheriff since, which we have done. Every single one expressed shock and disbelief…and did nothing.

We told the story, over and over. No one, including the current Sheriff, believed us or followed up. Only Tony Craver took us seriously, and he felt as if he were facing Goliath, too.

I have no reason to think this sorry situation has changed. I applaud the guts it takes to experience this corruption and not have a nervous break-down; I surely wish all the push-backers well.

Do I think Justice will be served and the Truth ever come out? No. Never.

A cursory reading of the negative comments on this (KQED) report will tell you why.

(On-line comment)

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ED NOTE: Comments like the above lack, as they say, specificity. Over the years, we've tried many times to verify complaints like it but our investigations found nothing. Of course there are crooks masquerading as cops, and some of the robberies and accompanying beatings of outback marijuana farmers can probably be attributed to these people, the Nautilus Youth. If anyone out there has hard evidence of criminal cops, talk to us and in the paper it goes. The Rohnert Park Police Department's drug "interdictions" in Mendocino County are sure to be unraveled, thanks to Kym Kemp and KQED. The most suspiciously unprosecuted crimes we've seen over the years in Mendocino County have been big ones with big implications — the Fort Bragg Fires of 1987, where DA Susan Massini let the statute of limitations run on the Fort Bragg crooks who did it and, the even grander car bombing of Judi Bari, a crime mysteriously (or conveniently) ignored by the FBI.

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ON THE REMOTE CHANCE you were wondering...

The Warriors brought in hundreds of bottles of champagne, and TMZ Sports reports that the total cost of the champagne was estimated at $400,000 for Friday night's celebration of their NBA championship. According to the report, the Warriors went through 300 bottles of Moët & Chandon, 150 bottles of Impérial Golden Luminous and 150 bottles of Nectar Imperial Rose. Which means each bottle cost in the range of $600 to $700. (The Giants went for Anderson Valley's Roederer when they won the World Series.) One hopes that at least the empty bottles are collectibles, if not recyclable.

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KZYX'S New Board Members

by Sheila Dawn Tracy

Marco McClean advocated for programmers to be paid at the very least, minimum wage, as they are the producers of the material that is broadcast. In his varied experience as a programmer for several local radio stations, he has volunteered and also been paid for his time. He felt too much of membership fees were being absorbed in management salaries.

Both Jim Havelina and Russell Petty remarked that programmers make a choice to volunteer and work without pay for the love of broadcasting their favorite material.

My comment was to correct an assertion by newly elected Board President, John Azzaro, that member information could not be shared. I stated that I had in my possession a document by the CPB regarding donors that stated that if the station provided members with an opportunity to opt out of having their information available to other members, then it could be made available. I felt that since Board members and programmers both had the ability to communicate with each other through a website provided through the station, it seemed only fair and reasonable for members to be given the same communication privileges since members provide two thirds of the station's operating budget. I added that any of the mail requesting member donations could include the choice of opting in or out as well as what form of communication would be most desired.

In regard to open meetings, I inquired if that applied to the Executive Committee, as in the recent past, many meetings had been held in the privacy of the Board President's (Meg Courtney's) home. I informed the Board that requests for community members who were interested in serving on the various Board committees had been received through a form stipulating the committee of interest but no response had been forthcoming by the previous Board to include any of the persons expressing interest. Similarly, a lack of follow through was also evident in the current CAB member's failure to complete a draft MOU to the Board regarding appropriate response to CAB information and recommendations.

Linda Jupiter commented that she was happy to see support of the local community by collaborating with a local Internet provider to keep money in the community.

Cal Winslow stated he was grateful for the help of staff in producing his past series of programs.

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CATCH OF THE DAY, June 9, 2018

Aguirre-Hernandez, Bengston, Crabtree

JOSHUA AGUIRRE-HERNANDEZ, Fort Bragg. Domestic battery.

BRET BENGSTON, Ukiah. Parole violation. (Frequent flyer.)

EZRA CRABTREE SR., Willits. Willful cruelty to child with possible injury or death, disorderly conduct-alcohol, battery on peace officer, resisting.

Cruz, Dille, Johnson

ANTONIO CRUZ, Ukiah. Attempted burglary, smuggling booze or drugs into jail, controlled substance.

JAMILEH DILLE, Ukiah. Disobeying a court order.

EDWARD JOHNSON, Ukiah. Probation revocation. (Frequent flyer.)

RIMA MEUNIOT, Ukiah. Disorderly conduct-alcohol.

DUSTIN PAGE, Santa Rosa/Fort Bragg. DUI.

MIGUEL SIMON-CRUZ, Ukiah. Attempted burglary, smuggling booze or drugs into jail, controlled substance, failure to appear.

Stark, Washington, Wilson

ERIC STARK, Ukiah. Failure to appear, probation revocation.


SHANNON WILSON, Santa Rosa/Ukiah. Failure to appear.

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But even the younger ones look to us and follow our examples, and additionally, process the non-verbal cues their parents send.

Recently went to West Asheville, NC, a new (over maybe the last 10 years or so) bastion of trendy, progressive culture.

Eating breakfast in a little trendy vegan café, watched one father at a table with his son, transfixed on his phone screen, while his son ate his breakfast in silence. In a little off-in-the-corner sitting area or nook, a father transfixed on his phone screen, while his daughter sat on the floor reading a book. Not making this up, but this went on for maybe 30 minutes. It was like the Twilight Zone – like these children didn’t exist.

Heaven forbid the first father should talk to his son, engaging him in conversation, or the second father should actually read his daughter the book.

This isn’t a missive on proper parenting, I’m certainly not one to speak to that, but the message that these children get is that whatever is on that screen is more important than they are. It’s hard to imagine that they’ll grow up being socially healthy. Enter suicides or active shooters.

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The “It’ll be Fine” Read-a-Thon!

Got fines on your library account? Let’s fix that! On Thursday, June 14th from 10am-8pm, Mendocino County Library, Ukiah Branch is hosting the “It’ll-be-Fine” all-ages Read-a-Thon. Start off your summer reading with a clean slate. Participants who read at the library on June 14th will receive a $1 fine waiver for every hour read. These fine waivers are great for wiping out late fees, but are not valid on lost or damaged item charges.

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“Libraries Rock!”

Summer Reading Kickoff

June 16th from 1-3pm @ Alex Thomas Plaza

On Saturday, June 16th from 1-3pm, Mendocino County Library, Ukiah Branch is hosting its annual Summer Reading Program Kickoff at Alex Thomas Plaza. Are you ready to ROCK? Join us for two hours of music and fun in the sun. Food and crafts will be available for all ages, with special music performances from rock bands Weird Year and Lightning Amen! Sign up for summer reading and grab a reading/log to earn prizes throughout the summer.

PLEASE NOTE: The Ukiah Library will close at 12pm for the day to host this off-site event. The after-hours dropbox will be open for item returns.*

This event is free, family-friendly, and sponsored by the Ukiah Library, Ukiah Valley Friends of the Library, and Mendocino College Recording Arts & Technology Department.

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Bibliotherapy Book Club for Teens (12-18)

meets every 3rd Tuesday of the month at 4pm:

  • June 19th
  • July 17th
  • Sept. 18th
  • Oct. 16th
  • Nov. 20th
  • Dec. 18th

The Ukiah Branch Library has partnered with Tapestry Family Services and Project Sanctuary to create a new book club for teens: Bibliotherapy Book Club! Starting in January, the Bibliotherapy Book Club for Teens (12-18) will meet monthly & focus on a variety of "tough topics" including anxiety, depression, grief, sexual abuse & rape, racism, bullying, suicide, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bulimia, & issues surrounding gender identity - to name a few. Some titles we will read include:

  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky (trauma, grief)
  • Hyberbole and a Half, Allie Brosh (depression)
  • Thirteen Reasons Why, Jay Asher (suicide)
  • Say What You Will, Cammie McGovern (OCD)
  • Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell (sexual & physical abuse)
  • Speak, Laurie Halse Andersen (rape)

Teens will be able to discuss tough topics in a safe environment with trusted librarians and counselors from Tapestry & Project Sanctuary, as well as receive assistance for service referrals if requested.

Advance registration is required. If you are interested in the program or want to find out more about the Bibliotherapy Book Club, please contact Melissa at the Ukiah Library: 467-6434 or This book club is free and open to all interested teens.

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I am trying to find words for my friend. I will post something here later if they ever come. For now, just know how much Tony Bourdain — for all his wit and sharp edges, for all his grandiose and larger-than-life persona — was a genuinely good man and careful colleague. And that doesn’t begin to express how empty the world feels this morning.

Also, I have been banned from Twitter, and as I am at this moment indifferent to removing the tweets they insist are violative of their rules, it is unclear when I will return to that framework. So I’m hoping that if I post anything remotely meaningful about Tony, others will do me the favor of linking it beyond this digital cul de sac.

Suffice to say that while you can arrive on Twitter and disseminate the untethered and anti-human opinion that mothers who have their children kidnapped and held incommunicado from them at the American border are criminals — and both mother and child deserve that fate — or that 14-year-old boys who survive the Holocaust are guilty of betraying fellow Jews when there is no evidence of such, you CANNOT wish that the people who traffic in such vile shit should crawl off and die of a fulminant venereal rash. Slander is cool, brutality is acceptable. But the hyperbolic and comic hope that a just god might smite the slanderer or brutalizer with a deadly skin disorder is somehow beyond the pale.

Die of boils, @jack.

Seriously. As far as I’m concerned, your standards in this instance are exactly indicative of why social media — and Twitter specifically — is complicit in transforming our national agora into a haven for lies, disinformation and the politics of totalitarian extremity. The real profanity and disease on the internet is untouched, while you police decorum.

— David Simon

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To the Editor:

I have been reading with an increasingly heavy heart news articles about the Trump administration’s separation of children from their parents at the border.

But I was stopped cold by a quote in Nicholas Kristof’s New York Times column “ ‘My Babies Started Crying’ as ICE Took Them Away” (May 31): “White House Chief of Staff John Kelly hails family separation as a ‘tough deterrent’ and shrugs that ‘the children will be taken care of — put into foster care or whatever’.”

“Or whatever” — that most dismissive phrase! So, it has come to this: We have weaponized the callous traumatization of children in the name of the promised immigration reform. Children have become acceptable collateral damage in a policy war.

Are there no parents in this administration? Are there no parents in the Border Patrol? Are there no Trump supporters who are parents? How can anyone who has children justify this?

Anita Moran

San Francisco

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by Jerry Mitchell

It was the summer of Woodstock, and Henry and Patsy were going. They asked Sheila and me to go but we heard the weather was going to be shitty. We decided to hop in the Pontiac with Woody and Ken and Lynn and go camping out west to Yellowstone.

We stopped in Russell, Kansas to see Sheila's grandma: bummer. She made us watch religious stuff on TV. We left the next day for Yellowstone. Stopped in Cody, Wyoming, at the east entrance to the national park for camping supplies. We stocked up and Woody bought a pair of cowboy boots.

Woody said, "They're kind of tight, man."

The salesman said, "You gotta wear them every day, they'll break in." Right on, brother.

We got a map of the park and decided to hike into a lake that was 2.5 miles from the road. 2.5 miles ain't much, right?

It took three hours to make the trip, climbing over logs and shit with the packs on our backs. Woody still had his new boots on. When we got to the lake Woody pulled his boots off. His feet had blisters on them each the size of a half dollar.

Ken and I had to make one more trip to get everything we needed to stay for three days. When we got back, Woody was out in the water with his boots on, fishing.

"Man does this cold water feel good on my feet!"

I joined him in the water and we started catching fish with our fly rod.

Woody said, "I think these are trout, but they got scales, and look at those dorsal fins."

I said, "Yeah, they got spots like trout but they look funny, dude."

We got out our guidebook that showed what kind of fish you could expect to find in the lakes and rivers of Yellowstone. We were catching Grayling, which used to be native to rivers in Michigan.

We were happy as hell. We felt in touch with the wilderness. The absence of human sounds was awesome, and our ears strained to hear something, anything. The only sounds were loons, squirrels and the grayling breaking the water to nip the flies off the surface.

We cooked some grayling and some dried stuff for dinner. We were all tired from the hike and sat around the fire humbled by the natural beauty all around us.

I got out the pamphlet they gave you when you enter the park. It had all the rules for camping. We knew there were bears in the park and I started reading the rules for camping in primitive camps.

Leave no trace of your stay. Hang food in the tree high enough so that bears or other animals can't get it. Don't take food into your tent. Don't take a woman on her period to a primitive campsite…

"Oh man," Lynn said. "I'm on my period!"

Cold dark fear set in. All we had for protection was a big Bowie knife and the sun was going down. We were freakin’!

We couldn't make it to the road in the dark. We would have to make it through the night. We all started bitchin’ at each other. Lynn yelled at me, "Hey dumbfuck, you're the one who wanted to get back to nature!"

I said, "Don't blame me — you are the one bleeding to death!"

Ken said, "Fuck this, we gotta do something."

He was right — we had to make a plan, any plan.

After we all came down from the rush everyone got quiet and started thinking.

Yeah, right! We were all scared shitless!

Sheila tried to lighten things up. "We can hang Lynn up the tree with the food." Someone came up with the idea to take the fish scraps a couple hundred yards around the lake. Seemed like a good idea so we did it.

We all got in a tent with Lynn in the middle and the Bowie knife out where we could get it. We were quiet as hell but no one slept that night. Every night sound was a bear coming.

"When the morning comes we’ll be gone like a turkey through the corn," I said.

It seemed like forever before the first light stated in the eastern sky.

Ken and I decided to hike out while the rest were packing up and bring back a motorbike to carry some of the heavy shit. Woody’s feet had swollen so bad he couldn't get his boots off. The motorbike was definitely a no-no but we didn't give a shit. We went outside the park and rented one and rode it into the park off the road to the lake.

Two trips and we were out. We headed out the park's western entrance into Idaho. We camped on the Snake River up a small canyon with mountains rising thousands of feet on either side of the river.

The stars at night were brighter than we had ever seen. We sat around the fire and laughed about our little hike and night of terror.

The next day we drove to Jackson Hole, Wyoming and went to the Million-Dollar Cowboy bar. The bar stools were saddles with spurs for your feet. We were in cowboy Heaven! We thought about Henry and Patsy at Woodstock and heard about it on the radio as we drove through the West. We were smoking pot and listening to radio jams while driving through the most beautiful country in America. It was far out dude!

We went back to A-2 with a different perspective on life. The simple pleasures of going off into the wilderness camping were worth more than the things money could buy.

(Jerry Mitchell is the proprietor of Carmelita’s Southwestern Grille and Restaurant in Calumet, Michigan and author of “One of Mine,” published by Halo Publishing International, from which this is excerpted.)

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Dear AVA,

Dennison denizens. I am going to have to ritually unsubscribe from you soon now that the Washburne column is gone. It appears that I am going on a Napa Hospital detour anyway and my address will change. If anyone out there is listening my attorney Linda Thompson (and yes I think ragging on her will get me some attention) has somehow found a way to force antipsychotic antidepressant medications on me even though one of the appointed psychologists ran out on me after I threatened him with license revocation and the diagnoses kept contradicting one another and the medication has been swapped so many times that now I am being offered old defunct attempts at medication under the guise that it's a new “treatment."

The fact of the matter is that I am actually allergic to the these two classes of medications although "experts" will tell you otherwise. They will tell you allergies are not known to exist. But the proof of the pudding is that they all cause me extreme fatigue and instant sharp throbbing stomach pain with migraines all day. They cause me to urinate, no joke, every five minutes! It's usually clear streams from mineral exhaustion and sometimes bloody. I had been subject to so many painful and embarrassing standardized tests with questions about burning, etc. one would imagine there would be more chemically agreeable and organic treatment alternatives such as cannabis or even Adderall for my autism.

I have never encountered such complications in my whole life and it all started three years ago when I got sent to jail for the first time for a warrantless marijuana raid. That's when they started involuntarily giving me Risperin and Prozac by court order. The adverse side effects were reported immediately to no avail.

Now I wish I could find a way to get these professionals on the stand but the Innocence Project won't even see me for my wrapped up and ready to go informal discovery denial violation which entitles me to release right now under the court sanctions supposed to be in place under penal code 1054.5 also known as a Brady violation. And that is on top of my statutory and constitutional versions of speedy trial denials which I qualified for under code of three prongs without even physically having a slow trial. But wait, I now qualify for that anyway also! There’s just a magical clause out there that says Jewel Dyer doesn't get state coded guarantees. What a demographic!

I will be in Napa hospital again trying to figure out why I'm being railroaded for hallucinating that my lawyer runs out of the room on me when I start asking basic legal questions calmly and collectively. I will also have plenty of time to be wondering why her subordinates in her office tease me with offers to put money on my books but never actually deposit it. I actually get more money from family who give me death threats and keep hanging up on me, if you can imagine how that works. I thought mental incompetence was when I didn't work with the lawyer, not the other way around.

I have come to the conclusion that I am just not allowed to have one jury proceeding of my own and that I deserve "artisan" formulated punishments for being knife bag Bob for the night. I have redrafted hundreds of briefs and with inflamed wrists burning in pain. They probably got like that when I started my new county jail life of smacking hepatitis C bridge bums around every few months to secure my right to touch the big fancy flat screen high-definition cable TV to watch Alone Together every weekend with captions for the hearing impaired. The homeless get pretty bossy when reality television is involved. Oh yes, I was talking about my wrists. So all of my hundreds of writs and briefs all systematically got denied before reaching their jury review, always for a new technicality of a reason. For example: failure to state denial of last submissions, or the time worn classic: no sufficient exhibits that are already in our own system." Seedy business! Just get the question of fact to the jury already!

I have accumulated several certifications courtesy of the hobo hotel’s new tablet education program. It contains every certification you can think of between art and music theory to algebra 2 but all of a sudden it will contain missing libraries of legal courses and medical. The one thing I need right now? A medical malpractice lawyer. Oh how convenient.

One would imagine that the first wheel to squeak would get oil. Instead, I get to sit back and see tax sanctuary organizations take every new and less serious case on the block without even looking at mine. One example? The Innocence Project. They just all want prison cases.

Meanwhile I'm permanently disfigured for life with H.Pyroli’s disease. All I can do is suspect facility water is to blame. There is rumored to be no known cure.

Maybe if I'm lucky lady justice will snap out of her pipedream and start asking questions or at least so much as see things from the face of the matter.

Shout outs to Low Gap, home of my first high-definition television, home of my first tablet, home of my first ESPN season pass.

Jewel Dyer

Mendocino County Jail



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Dear Editor:

I have not written any letters recently about climate change. It has been very distressing to watch that stupid fool we have for President and his running dogs dismantle all the steps our country has taken to reduce the effects of climate change. The other day my daughter who lives in Arizona and my three great grandchildren, ages 9, 7 and 4 stopped by on a short visit. In looking at great grandchildren I couldn't help thinking what a terrible world we will be leaving them. NOAA's Earth System Research Lab reported their Annual Gas Index, which tracks the warming influence of long-lived greenhouse gases, has increased by 41% from 1990 to 2017, up 1 percent from 2016 — with most of that attributable to rising carbon dioxide levels. Since 1750, the onset of the industrial revolution, the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has risen 46%. The Greenhouse Gas Index is only one of numerous indicators tracked by NOAA. I do not want to discuss all of these indicators which could run several pages. Please note the globally average temperature during 2017 was third-warmest in NOAA's 138 year global temperature record, behind 2016 and 2015. Record warmth was observed in many parts of the world. This warming has resulted in dramatic effect on the two poles. The large releases of CO2 comes from fossil fuel burning. I would recommend those readers who have a concern about global warming read the complete report.

Jim Updegraff


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FAR BABAR, A BABAR NOIR. (Wang bitty bang, ba bang ba dang dang.)

The recording of last night's (2018-06-08) KNYO Fort Bragg and KMEC  Ukiah /Memo of the Air: Good Night Radio/ show is available by one or  two clicks, depending on whether you want to listen to it now or  download it and keep it for later and, speaking of which, it's right here:

Tattoo artist Nicky Needles showed up to talk about tattooing.  Publisher, poet and Mendocino Women’s Choir director Cynthia Frank read  about half an hour of poetry, including something about tigers with  spines made of licorice ejaculating on each other in the rings of  Saturn, which reminded me, of course, of Kenneth Patchen saying, "I  can't understand people who will believe in God but who won't believe  there are butterflies bigger than the earth and leopards made of gold  wire circling the sun," but I held my tongue.

And there's more. Really,  lots more, and then at the end there's the concluding episode of the  last one of three Chandu The Magician series (with the last radio drama  organ work by Korla Pandit; just after that he got his famous  organ-noodling teevee show that ensorcelled the hearts of thousands of  1950s housewives and caused them to mail their underwear to KTLA in  hopes of gaining a meeting with him).

And besides that, here are links to a few not necessarily radio-useful  but worthwhile items that I set aside for you at while gathering the show together, such as:

I will always remember you.

Waves in slow motion.

"Originality is just filing the serial numbers off of others'  contributions to your ideas."


Projection-mapped light show on the Sydney Opera House. (82 min. Just  skip around in it.)

And Phil Spitalny's Hour of Charm All Girl Orchestra, featuring Evelyn  and her magic violin.

Marco McClean



  1. Craig Stehr June 10, 2018

    Leaving this morning from Hostelling International in New York City, returning to Washington, D.C. via Amtrak express. It has been a very informative three weeks in NYC, being housed with travelers from around the world. I share with you that they are NOT interested in the current American internal political situation. The hostel population is all about locating the best of everything in NYC, visiting museums, hangin’ out in Greenwich Village at the White Horse Tavern where Dylan Thomas wrote, (plus other hostel sponsored pub crawls), visiting jazz clubs, going to a baseball game, going to a comedy club, and sending post cards to friends, telling them how much fun it is to be in the USA. :-)

  2. BB Grace June 10, 2018

    I had a dream about Koch Headlands a long time ago I wish I could make come true because it’s what I would believe would be of better use.

    From Glass Beach to Soldiers Bay, including the water treatment and pond, an EDEN PROJECT, a beautiful way to not just clean up (God help Hunter’s Point Bayview) but build a thriving community

    Soldiers Bay is a perfect location for a Teatro del Agua, a solar and wind powered desalination plant with an outdoor theatre

    South of Johnson’s Pyramid would be an Abalone hatchery and nursery producing facility open to public tours like this clam hatchery and nursery that has helped recover not just the clams, but the community

    South to the Cypress Street gate would be FB visitor center, whale center and parking for commuting the headlands.

    Peters come up with the “tid bit” all by himself or was it the filthy rich of the Fifth district coast NIMBY’s looking to bring their private health care doctors closer, but not too close, as a hospital in the fifth district will never do?

    • james marmon June 10, 2018

      I think they should turn it into an Industrial Park, create some jobs and stop trying to be something it never was, a tourist destination. Fort Bragg is a blue collar working man’s town, nothing more. Doing anything else with the mill site would be the equivalent of putting lipstick on a pig.

      James Marmon

      • BB Grace June 10, 2018

        “With around 400 core staff, we (EDEN PROJECT) are a major employer in the county of Cornwall. In addition we have approximately 200 employees who join us for seasonal employment and around 150 volunteers. The majority of our employees are recruited locally.”

        The solar and wind powered desalination plant, Teatro del Aqua, is green industry and would be employing engineers for water and sea salt manufacturing, while the outdoor theatre, not too large for what would be a great way to watch a summer concert, would provide jobs for local producers and artists.

        The abalone nursery would be sustaining a fishing industry, especially if abalone was made for locals only to harvest and sell at local restaurants. Abalone needs more protection and regulations. You go to the Caribbean for conch and you can’t take a shell off the islands. Why is it ok for the Caribbean and not Mendocino? Looks to me as conch is everywhere in the Caribbean they are doing something right as abalone sustains another off year. Maybe we’re not doing such a good job protecting abalone based on policies that encourage poaching?

      • George Hollister June 10, 2018

        Right now in FB there is a labor shortage, not a worker shortage. This situation does not seem to be going away soon. Housing is the biggest problem. I like BB’s idea. It is one that reflects what people can do. It meets the market, looks good, and can be showing off a nice project. But it needs about 250 family units of multi unit housing added. That means FB needs more water, which seems to me to be entirely possible. Of course, I will defer to what FB decides.

        • BB Grace June 11, 2018

          Thank you Mr. Hollister. The Teatro del Agua can produce 80 million gals of water per day. This project would also help Mendocino College to fill the need for certificates and expand courses in marine and environmental sciences.

          I ask myself, “How is it Dolly Parton can build an amusement park with a train like the Skunk train, and create a craft village where black smiths, leather, wood carving and turning, quilting and hat making, candy making sustaining thousands of mortgage paying jobs, while layers of highly paid Mendocino government employees and their leaders, paid far more than the average FB resident, can’t even manage the government dependent facilities they own now?”

          Why does FB insist on encouraging business that pays min wages as if no one needs a job that can pay rent let alone a mortgage?

          It seems the only vision local government has is how to bilk tax payers for pseudo altruistic follies that bring more problems then resolving solutions.

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