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Valley People (April 10, 2019)

ANDERSON VALLEY MARKET has installed a spiffy new coffee bar to the rear of the store called Momo’s featuring Big River organic coffees.

IN NEWS from west of us, a new route over the Garcia River where it floods every winter is being contemplated by the multiple agencies who contemplate even the slightest re-route of roads and highways. And the Independent Coast Observer, the South Coast’s premier weekly newspaper out of Gualala, is celebrating its 50th anniversary with a new bright blue masthead.

BOBBY'S MAD DASH. Friday afternoon (April 5), Boonville’s rustic peace was interrupted by a noisy high speed car chase barreling through Boonville a little before 3pm. It all began when a sharp-eyed deputy near Big Box Row in Ukiah spotted a Dodge Dakota with a license plate affixed to it that belonged to a recreational vehicle, not a pick-up truck. The stolen vehicle's sole occupant was later identified as Robert Joseph Paul, 32, of Eureka. 

The deputy attempted to stop the fleeing Paul, who roared off down 101 at speeds approaching 100 mph, veering from 101 at the Boonville turnoff and flooring it up and over 253, on the way crossing double yellow lines, swerving into the oncoming lane, passing cars on roulette curves that fortunately contained no eastbound vehicles. Paul careened through Boonville at an estimated 80 miles an hour, stomping the accelerator towards Philo at 95 miles per hour then west on the Philo-Greenwood Road where, just after Signal Ridge Road, Paul inexplicably pulled over and surrendered without further incident. No surprise that a felony amount of methamphetamine was found in Paul’s stolen truck. As a parolee, Paul was booked into the County Jail on numerous charges where he awaits the southbound prison bus for San Quentin.

MARCH WAS ANOTHER WET MONTH. Since October 2018, Boonville has received nearly four feet of rain, while Yorkville has already surpassed five feet at almost 63 inches (and counting). 

HERE’S ONE for your Ain't Fair book, assuming the facts are as relayed second hand to us. An Anderson Valley woman was ticketed, and subsequently fined $260 for… driving too slow on Highway 253! She appealed but the judge essentially told her, "Tough cheese, lady. Fork over." The local admitted she was "going slow" at the request of her passenger who she was transporting to a Ukiah doctor's appointment. 

QUIZ THURSDAY. Thursday April 11 is the second Thursday of the month so the Boonville Quiz at Lauren’s Restaurant returns to exercise your minds. Hope to see you there. Cheers, Steve Sparks, Quiz Master

AV FOODSHED SAYS, If you are already involved in food production or have an idea for a local food enterprise in Anderson Valley and need a financial boost, let us know! We are offering small loans, up to $2,000, with zero interest (a small service fee will apply) to help start or improve your project. The loan process is simple. Just email for details and the application.

NATURAL PRODUCTS of Boonville has a variety of ‘Natural Seed Potatoes’ for planting. Locally grown with organic materials and methods, but not certified. $6/lb., ‘baby’ size seed prices vary.

For the adventurous gardeners we have True Potato Seed balls from open pollinated Bora Valley potatoes grown at the Senior Center Community Garden @ $2 each. Also a few Oca roots in 4 varieties, price based on size.

Contact Geoffrey re availability at

COUNTRY LIVING, an on-line comment: “They [rattlesnakes] are super tame. You only need a fishing license to legally keep two Rattlers. I caught one on our property in fall of 2017. I kept him for the winter and fed him lots of mice. I called him Charlie Manson. He only rattled once, and never struck at me. Grew from 29″ to 35″ over the winter, shedding 3 times to reveal 7 buttons on the rattle. Then in the spring, I turned him loose in the same rotten stump I found him in. It made me wonder if the instinct to rattle is being bred out of them since many of those who do rattle get killed. We’re up at 2500’ elevation, and there are scorpions up here too.”

I KNOW of at least two sites in the hills west of Boonville where you can always find a rattler or two. One day I stumbled into a rocky, sun baked clearing while hiking with my dog, the late Roscoe, who blithely trotted right on past three of the basking serpents without getting bitten. Experts tell me they don’t know of a dog dying from a rattler strike but I was briefly unnerved all the same, and leashed the heedless mutt for the return trip, carefully side-stepping what appeared to be a whole community of rattlers.

PHILO’S ORGASM CENTER — yes, you read that right — understandably gets a lot of attention in the great world outside. Sex sells, as we’re constantly reminded, and the group that bought the old Shenoa property on the Navarro not far from Lemons Market, is certainly getting its share of publicity, most recently from an on-line business news site called ZeroHedge. ZeroHedge speculates that the Philo “orgasmic meditation” business is merely a front for high end prostitution. “Founded in San Francisco (of course), the company is trying to make a business out of selling better orgasms to potential marks/customers, focusing mostly on emotionally walled-off women, while allowing nerdy men to finger women (in exchange for a price). And they're not just selling videos or brochures — they're selling interactive classes, where participants are encouraged to learn by doing. But the company's former members, including 16 of them profiled by Bloomberg, highlight the dark side of what some are calling a cult: expensive classes, preying on emotionally vulnerable people and being shunned by group members after leaving.

WINDOWS ON THE WORLD is a new film written by a pair of Anderson Valley High School grads, Robert and Zack Anderson. It is just now making the film festival rounds. Robert Anderson writes: “Everyone say Boonville! Method Fest Film Festival went well in Beverly Hills. We won three awards; ‘best screenplay’ (myself and Zack), ‘best supporting actor’ (Edward James Olmos), ‘best director’ Michael Olmos. There was also a presentation of a special award for ‘Generational Cinematic Excellence’ given to Edward and Michael by Mexico’s legendary actor, Eugenio Derbez. Julia Brock, Anderson Valley High School grad came with two of her film student friends. Other cast present included Ryan Guzman, Chealsea Gilligan, Glynn Turman, Richard Cabral, Julie Carman. The only other part time Boonville resident I was hoping to see was Rene Auberjonois who has a part in the movie. Packed house of about 450 people.

See the picture below: actress Chelsea Gilligan on my left, Julia on my right, Michael Olmos below, Edward James Olmos far left…Julia’s two friends in the middle.

Yours for finding an audience. PS. And we are supposed to play the Mendocino Film Festival.”

THE NEWLY REMODELED Ukiah Branch Library looked pretty good to this old-line book borrower when he returned an overdue tome last Friday. My late fee was magnanimously waived by the pleasant young woman at the desk because most of the overdue-ness was caused by the library being closed for several weeks for remodeling. I recognized about half a dozen frequent flyers from the daily booking log spread out comfortably on the Library’s new furniture and carpet. They wore sullen expressions to go with their tough guy postures. The visual they presented I daresay bummed out most patrons. The AVA’s Ukiah Bureau, Mr. McEwen, says there's a cadre of these leisure class characters who use the library as their livingroom whenever the weather gets wet or cold; they also verbally abuse the Library’s one beleaguered rent-a-cop security guard who has to babysit them. McEwen said he would fully support the Library (and the Ukiah Police Department) getting a big chunk of either the Continuum of Care funding or the Measure B funding because they spend a good part of their work days babysitting the street population. Meanwhile, the Library’s nice new décor goes underappreciated because the library’s regular patrons want to get out as soon as they can. (--ms) 

One Comment

  1. George Dorner April 11, 2019

    That “orgasm center” is creepy. It makes me think of a perverse grown version of that old childhood favorite, Doctor and Nursey. And they actually sucker people into paying for this?

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