Here We Go Again

Three and one-half short weeks ago, I was benching my weight and doing 15 pull-ups at a go. Granted, I don’t weigh much more than a jockey holding a lapdog, but still. My steps were so surfeited with pep my feet barely grazed the ground, even when traveling somewhere undesirable, because when you’re in the […]

Good Sam Strikes Again

Cars have, since their very inception and notwithstanding either the futurists’ fanciful flights nor a few ill-advised and poorly conceived attempts at producing an amphibious vehicle, been designed and engineered for movement on and across one specific medium: the skin of the earth. Flying cars, diving cars, burrowing cars, and so on, would just be […]

The Triumphant Return of Mr. Hospitality

You can all breathe a sigh of relief— I’m not about to start belaboring the particulars of whatever it is I’ve been up to of late. Even I grow weary of the patterns of debauchery, degradation, contrition, and empty promises I have been peppering these pages with since I first relapsed in December, so I […]

Back to the Stacks

Back in the dark ages of my youth, and I don’t mean to say that it was a dark time— quite the contrary, it was rather brightly illuminated; I was making a hyperbolic statement to illustrate the vast gulf of time between my salad days and current doddering condition of senescent decrepitude (another exaggeration) and […]

The Life Pastoral

I’ve been feeling lately as if I should be (or should have been) evolving. Not in the literal sense, although some kind of spontaneous flash mutation like growing gills or supernumerary phalanges or toxin-secreting glands might be fun, and of course being the launch point of the age of Novo Homo would satisfy that need […]

What the Fox Says

I have acquired a friend here in the rehab, a rareish example of the type of person you’d be lucky to encounter anywhere, much less in this sort of fucktard-intensive environment. Not to slag my fellow attendees — they’re a capital bunch, in the main, if a little rough around the edges, top, bottom, middle, […]

Solving Drugs

If a behavioral phenomenon that is demonstrably and seriously harmful to society becomes a pattern, we (the societal we) pass a law against it, which is our way of saying: Don’t do this thing or we will impose upon you any of number of unpleasant penalties, up to and including death, but usually more in the […]

A Rub and a Tug

Friend and colleague Tommy Wayne Kramer commented recently on the baffling proliferation of Asian massageries in Ukiah, something I myself have mused over and discussed in my, respectively, reflective and sociable moments. On first debussing from the big house after a seven-year absence and taking their measure, I thought wow, the economy really must be […]

I Hear You Knocking, But…

The problem with opportunities is that, in the moment, they are not always recognizable as such. Often they are just things that happen, mundane, forgettable things, and only in retrospect do they acquire the character of missed chance. By then the door has slammed shut and the sign on it says, “Sorry we missed you! Be […]

The King of Lake County

I have now completed my first month back in rehab, and my body is still pointedly reminding me how it feels bout the regimen of meth and junk food I imposed on it last December and January. I believe I should’ve healed by now and it’s only showing off its ability to inflict pain, and […]

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