1. Jill and Karen were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of x miles per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?
2. J. David has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent, but J. David feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he’s ready to go home if 1 person walks by the café every 2 minutes?
3. Little Tree has 7 piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood that Little Tree will need to renew her erythromycin prescription during the next week?
4. Jack wants to take a half a pound of pot to Gualala and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,600 in food stamps, how much should Yaz write the check for?
5. The City of Willits decides to destroy 50 rats infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?
6. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock and a white sock are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?
7. Michael Toms weighs 345 pounds and drinks two triple lattés every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490mg of caffeine, what is Michael Toms’s average caffeine density in mg/pound?
8. There are 800 homes in the Village of Mendocino and all of them recycle their plastic. If each household recycles 10 soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover per month, does Mendocino have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit?
Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are they drinking?
9. If the average KZYX programmer can eat one pork pot-sticker in 30 seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans not to eat them?
10. Doug Kewp begins walking down Lansing Street with 12 $1 bills in his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the Cafe Bourgeois and met only one double-amputee?