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Bird’s Eye View by Turkey Vulture

Greetings one and all. If you are sitting comforta­bly then I shall begin. There will be no mention of The Boonville Lodge this week. I promise. So the rains finally have arrived in earnest. Let’s hope they can stick around for a while at least. Anyone living here in the Valley will tell you we need it. The run-off pond here at The Nest is about six feet deep and nowhere near the ten or eleven feet it usually is at this time. Now I know the mud will be annoying to those of us back in the woods or down the dirt roads, and the driving might require a little more care and atten­tion, but let’s not complain. Well, I won’t if you won’t.

Meanwhile, having just devoured a large plate of locally produced bacon, sausages, and eggs, there are excellent pork products available from The Good Farmer on Ornbaun Road (Bay Creek Farm) and those ‘real and proper’ eggs (Safeway? Raley’s? Don’t make me laugh!) can be bought from Beth Swehla’s Agriculture Class at the High School. I strongly sug­gest you try this stuff out. Trust me on this; you can thank me later.

Talking of food, I was in attendance at the Apple Hall in Boonville for the Crab Feed last Saturday. As usual, Gina and Eddie Pardini and their crew did a marvelous job and I had more crab than I thought was possible, along with many other Valley folks of all per­suasions and backgrounds. Yes, our Crab Feeds cer­tainly bring us all together for what are true ‘Valley events.’ They attract a wider range of people from our community than any other occasions. From Harold Hulbert on the door, to Ted Bennett behind the bar, to Rod Basehore ‘entertaining’ us on the microphone, to Ben Anderson’s high school baseball team serving up the goodies, and of course the hodge-podge of din­ers themselves. It really was a veritable melting pot of Valley people. I”m already salivating at the thought of the next one for both the socializing and the crab. That will be ‘The Original Crab Feed’ on Saturday, February 6th at the same venue. Call Gloria at 895-3071 for your tickets.

It would now seem almost inappropriate to have a Quote of the Week on any topic other than food or eating, so here is former President George Bush Sr’s mild rant, “I do not like broccoli. And I’m the Presi­dent of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” We get it, George, we get it. And this splendid observation from 17th century English diarist and wit, Samuel Pepys, “A good dinner and feasting never fails to reconcile everybody.” So if only The Lodge’s Landlord Dave Johnson had been at The Crab Feed then perhaps he might have… Oh sugar, I’ve broken my promise. Sorry.

Here’s a couple of Public Service Announcements. #121: Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the A.V Museum is open from 1pm to 4pm at the little red schoolhouse building on Hwy 128 near to the Elementary School — ‘The best little Museum in the West.’ #122: The County Dump is open from 9am-4pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and weekends. Remember, No dead animals; leave them to me and my buddies, please.

Finally this week, here’s just two of the many Valley Rules which regulars at The Three-Dot Lounge, my favorite gathering place in the Valley, would love to introduce to make a little difference around here if they could. I should point out that these are not necessarily my own opinions although they might be very close and could well form a part of my election manifesto when I run for Mayor.

…The wine in the Valley is good but we have enough. No more new vineyards are to be allowed. Enough already! Particularly if they were to be owned by a wine-guzzling know-it-all who assumes they can make wine just because he/she has made their millions in an entirely different expertise somewhere else. And certainly not if they reside in some far flung location, have never lived here, rarely visit, and who wouldn’t know a wild hog if it bit them in the ass or a Turkey Vulture if it defecated on their head.

…Caltrans workers who are standing around doing nothing will not be allowed to scowl menacingly at drivers as they pass. It’s not clever, funny, or even menacing for that matter, but it does seem to keep many of them from their work for long periods of time.

Oh, dear, have I upset somebody? O.K., I’ll get my coat and leave. Be careful out there; stay out of the ditches; think good thoughts, and may your god go with you. One final request: “Let us prey.” Humbly yours, Turkey Vulture.

PS. Contact me with words of support/abuse either through the Letters Page at

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